House MD is a wow kind of show, right? and last night we saw Season Five Finale of House MD.
The Season Finale of House MD called Both Sides Now, in a post filled with House Spoilers
Complete Recap and Spoilers of House MD Season Finale – Both Sides Now
A man rags on his food at a fancy Italian restaurant. Another man at a nearby table lobs rolls at him. He tries to keep control of his hand, but when the guy confronts him the roll-lobber dumps ice water on the grumpy guy’s crotch. Then he starts crying blood from one of his eyes. He collapses.
House wakes up in bed, looking around for evidence. He smiles and hobbles down the hall. He sees lipstick on his face in the bathroom mirror and the tube on the bathroom sink. He smiles.
Cameron tells Taub there’s a glitch with the wedding and then about a guy with a split brain. It’s the roll-lobber. He says his left hand hates him.
In the differential room, the team stares at House as he comes in singing. He warns them he’s in a good mood. They present him with alien hand syndrome guy. Cuddy comes in and tells House they need to talk. They go into his office.
“Isn’t this a bit like locking the barn door after the horse has put his face between your breasts for an hour and a half?” he asks.
She reminds him she’s his boss and that people who get close to him get hurt and he’s a valued doctor at the hospital. He asks if she’s freaking out over last night. She says she’s just giving him the rules. He watches her leave, smiling, still holding her tube of lipstick.
House saunters into Wilson’s. He tells him he slept with Cuddy and has been clean from Vicodin for 24 hours. Wilson reacts with a lot of “wows.” “This is fantastic,” Wilson says, “how are you going to screw it up?” House sees several good options, telling Wilson about the “just an employee talk.” Wilson says either she’s in love with him or thinks it was a mistake.
Taub and Thirteen go through Two-brained Guy’s house. There’s fungus on the ceiling. Taub mentions the wedding glitch and Cameron says it’s always sad when sperm comes between two people.
Cut to Taub in the cafeteria line with Chase, telling him he hears the sperm is good that day. Taub joins him at his table but Chase walks away.
House tells Cuddy that Wilson thinks they need to talk.
Two-Brained Guy’s girlfriend brings him stuff from home. She thinks she’s trying too hard to get his other half to like him. Thirteen brings him anti-fungal meds. He says it’s not a problem as his left hand picks up the deodorant she brought and throws it. Then it whacks her across the face. She leaves and he tries to follow her, getting out of bed. But he can’t walk.
Back in differential land, they rule out a fungus as House twirls Cuddy’s lipstick tube. House suggests slow-growing mengioma, a cancer which would reconnect the two hemispheres of his brain.
House shows Wilson thermal imaging pictures of Cuddy, from which he deduces House didn’t talk to her. He thinks she grew heated around him. House says Cuddy either lied to him last night or today and he wants to know which. Wilson implores him to be an adult about it.
Foreman, Taub and Thirteen run a test on Two-Brain Guy, putting words on two different screens to draw reactions from each side of his brain. When he doesn’t see the word candle on the left they ask him to draw it. He says he didn’t see a word as his left hand picks up the pen and draws a candle. “This is so cool,” Taub says.
Scott stands up saying he’s cold. House sees him exhibiting signs he is cold. He scratches his side. House announces ammonia breath and looks at his stomach, where he’s been scratching. His liver is failing.
Wilson talks to Cuddy about something budgetary. She sighs, saying she thought he wanted to talk about something else. Wilson says there’s nothing to talk about. House walks in. He wants to do a liver biopsy. Cuddy says fine and he is upset when she doesn’t resist. He peers in closer, trying to make her angry. Then he switches his coffee for hers and leaves.
Thirteen tries to do an ultrasound on him but Scott’s hand keeps batting it away. He asks if they can get music in the room.
Wilson think House is using a relationship with Cuddy as a replacement for drugs. He tells him to wait for her to be ready. House says he found oxytocin in her coffee, the chemical involved in emotional bonding. He has to make her lose her temper to make her break her facade. Or outcome two, she kills him. Wilson commends him for committing himself to someone. Then House asks why there’s an old guy standing in his doorway.
Eugene Schwartz (Carl Reiner) introduces himself, saying Cuddy sent him from the clinic. He says he squawks like a parrot, but he can’t recreate it.
As Taub prepares to stick Scott with a very big needle Scott’s evil left hand is distracted by music, playing air guitar. His right hand is too. Thirteen sees splinter hemorrhages under his finger nails. Then he rolls over and pukes blood. His heart’s fine. Thirteen mentions that Scott’s sweaty a lot. House tells them to scan for pancreatic cancer.
Cuddy meets with two donors but they’re interrupted by Eugene bringing his poo in a paper bag, saying House told him to bring it.
Scott packs up, wanting to leave because Annie called saying she was leaving. He tries to get dressed but his left hand and right brain won’t let him.
Cameron wants to bounce relationship ideas of House. He suggest she destroy her dead husband’s sperm. She says doubts are normal.
Taub gets House to try to make Scott stay. He enlists Wilson.
They run a scan Scott, trying to get him to communicate with his right brain. Wilson tells him his right brain must be frustrated. Eugene call House from the grocery, excited because he just squawked. Cuddy gave him House’s number.
House thinks Scott’s cancer is too small to find. He wants to use scorpion toxin to paint the cancer.
Chase performs surgery. Cameron interrupts, telling him she got the forms to destroy the sperm. Chase has to go back in when Scott’s blood pressure drops. There’s no sign of cancer.
Wilson asks House if he really wants Cuddy or he just likes the challenge. He says he has to take it seriously or one of them will get hurt. House watches Cuddy escort a guy in a pirate costume out, a male stripper. She doesn’t look angry. Wilson says House’ll be in trouble if she looks up. This means something to House. He goes to surgery, saying they weren’t looking up at the right time. Scott’s clots weren’t from cancer, they were caused by intermittent arrhythmia. He tells them to do an echo.
The team spitballs what could make his heart spit out clots. House orders a test.
Annie visits Scott. He apologizes for hitting her. She says his hand usually throws things playfully but he hit her after she handed him his deodorant. He says it’s special heavy duty he has to send away for. Thirteen remembers how small his bathroom was, the fumes could get trapped. Taub goes to check the ingredients.
Scott’s left hand strokes Annie’s face sweetly.
House asks Wilson why there’s no lipstick on Cuddy’s coffee cup. Wilson tells House he should make her angry. He hasn’t really been trying. “Now go terrorize her,” Wilson orders.
Chase tells Cameron he thinks she doesn’t really want to destroy the sperm. She says she’s willing. But he says she doesn’t have doubts, she just doesn’t want to kill the only thing left from someone she loved. She bursts into tears. He hugs her and tells her not to do it. She tells him she has problems giving things up, for example, she never canceled any of their wedding plans.
House stands on the walkway above the entrance and bangs his cane for attention. He announces to everyone that he slept with Cuddy. When she walks in someone informs her what he said. She glares. Finally angry.
She confronts him, screaming, crying, saying he crossed the line. She congratulates him for making her angry. He says he was wondering if they should move in together. She laughs, wounded, and tells him he’s fired.
Eugene stands behind him, wanting his test results. House thinks he has acid reflux, but he watches as Eugene adjusts his belt under his gut. It hurts him. House feels his belly. It’s not a gut, it’s a tumor. That’s why pancreatic cancer was on his mind, House realizes.
Taub tells House the deodorant has a high level of a chemical that can cause seizures. He tells Taub to take Eugene to radiology.
Cuddy cries in her office. House comes in. “Whatever it is, just stay it quickly,” she says. He asks her if she has more than one lipstick and if maybe she’s over reacting.
She says reaching the final straw has made her realize they not only don’t have a personal relationship, they never could. He looks confused, saying he told her he needed her. She asks if he’s OK and he starts to get foggy. He takes what he thought was a the tube of lipstick out of his pocket. It’s a bottle of oxycodone. He remembers the night before, both with her and alone. The memories blur. Scenes of him twirling what we saw as lipstick turn out to be him with the bottle of pills. He looks at what he thinks is lipstick but instead is popping pills. He remembers.
Dead Amber leans in. “So, this is the story you made up about who you are, it’s a nice one.” Kutner stands in front of him. “Too bad it isn’t true.”
He tells Cuddy he’s not OK.
Cuddy brings him into Wilson’s office. By the look on their faces he can tell something is really wrong.
Cut to Chase and Cameron’s wedding. Cameron walks down the aisle. It’s outdoors and lovely. Wilson drives House somewhere. Cuddy shows up with her daughter, barely keeping it together.
House gives Wilson his wallet and watch. He takes his suitcase and walks toward an imposing building. An orderly in white waits outside. Cameron and Chase kiss and walk hand in hand down the aisle, married at last. House walks into a psychiatric hospital. The doors close behind him.