My Boys is a sitcom about a female sports columnist in Chicago deals with the men in her life including her brother, her ex-boyfriend, her best friend and a sportswriter for a rival publication. Yesterday a new season of My Boys premiered. Here are all the spoilers

Complete Recap and Spoilers of My Boys Season Premiere 3×01 – Welcome Back, Kalla Fötter

“I think I’m marrying the wrong woman.”

That’s where we left P.J., Bobby, and Jack 8 months ago. Bobby’s shock at seeing Jack in P.J.’s room ends the moment quickly. P.J. decides that it might be better to end her night with Jack, sensing Bobby’s cold feet. To be fair, though, Jack points out that Newman’s typically get cold feet AFTER the wedding. (N.B. They showed tremendous restraint by waiting an entire 9 seconds before uttering the word “dude.”)

P.J.: “I never really understood where the phrase ‘out of left field’ came from, but I certainly know what it means.”

In the morning, the guys join Bobby to drag him to his final breakfast as a single guy. After several high-fives, not to mention Bobby deciding to avoid Mike’s X-rated description of his night with Maggie (or as Bobby puts it, “my mother’s friend”), Elsa comes to see Bobby (and apparently spending the previous night becoming a redhead). While she and Bobby talk, the guys hang outside, feeling obligated to back their groom as best men. Of course, this is in no way awkward. Kenny, not able to keep the groom from seeing the bride, is concerned something is wrong, while Mike thinks they’re not waiting for their wedding night. Brendan agrees with Mike…until he realizes he just agreed with Mike. Now all of them are worried. Kenny can definitely tell Bobby and Elsa are talking but can’t make out what is being said.

MIKE: “Maybe they’re talking about us.”

KENNY: “Yeah. Elsa woke up on her wedding day and her first thought was ‘I need to know more about Bobby’s friends. How many combs does Mike have. Does Brendan have a bicycle?’ ”

MIKE: “Man, when you’re sarcastic, there’s a real edge to it.”

P.J. meets Jack at breakfast and confesses that she had been up all night thinking about things. However Jack cuts her off and mentions he has to return to New York after the ceremony. As a result, he wants to avoid any awkward conversations. P.J. is not exactly thrilled with his statement, but it seems this was inevitable.

From the “waiting outside of a door for someone for WAY too long” department, Mike starts to wax philosophical about growing a mustache. Brendo thinks he can rock one, like Burt Reynolds. Although it would have been better if he didn’t point, wink, and imitate Burt’s high-pitched laugh. Mike is not amused, and it would seem the gauntlet has been thrown down between the three. They decide to grow mustaches and compete for the best one after a month. This is a fascinating contest, as far as Andy is concerned.

“So even if you win, you still lose.”

Andy decides that he is experienced enough to help out Bobby and Elsa and attempts to enter. However, their argument is enough to back him out and give him a sudden interest in facial hair. Eventually, P.J. and Stephanie join the group. However, before the whole situation shades too close to a Ross-and-Rachel breakup situation, Elsa walks out, crying. Bobby makes the announcement: the wedding is off.

We return to the Windy City, three weeks later. The weekly poker game is in session. Brendan, Kenny, and Mike are there…with their full mustaches. They are…well, they’re hard to describe, but the various insults might be helpful. Kenny is getting quite a lot of attention from women…mainly clutching their purses tighter and pulling their kids away. Brendan got hit on…by a lady at the grocery with six kids. Mike…uh, never mind. Surprisingly, Maggie is still interested in Mike after their fling at the ranch. Clearly, she hasn’t seen him with his new mustache. The gang advise against it, saying “camp relationships never transfer back to school. Just like in Grease.” P.J. is confused, as Olivia Newton-John came back to John Travolta at the end of that movie. The guys don’t know what she’s talking about…until she mentions Olivia’s skin-tight leather outfit. (“Oh, right!”)

Andy arrives in a very good mood. Not only is he a proud papa to his new son, Oliver, but Meredith insists that the two of them keep their prior hobbies and interests so that they don’t become one of those couples who let a baby completely change them. Fortunately, Andy only has poker and booze. But he does have cigars for Peej, d’Artagnan (Brendo), American Chopper (Kenny), and Amber Alert (Mike). Only Bobby is missing at this point, but nobody really expects him to show. He went on his honeymoon alone. Brendan can sympathize, because he was messed up for quite a while after Wendy left him, and Elsa did it practially at the altar. Mike, being the sensitive, sympathetic creature he is, can’t believe Bobby tried to marry a hot, Swedish nanny. “That’s like marrying a semi-successful actress.”

KENNY: “Shouldn’t you be telling your neighbors you’re a sex offender?”

MIKE: “Shouldn’t you be panning for gold, circa 1849?”

Andy drops a bomb on the group: he thinks Bobby might have been the one to walk away from the wedding, even though the Bobby/Elsa argument from earlier suggested otherwise. Bobby came to him the night before the wedding, expressing second thoughts. He won’t go into more detail, partly because it’s priest-client privilege, partly because he just doesn’t remember. P.J. is suddenly quite insistent that he remember what was said. Covering, she is saying that she cares about his well-being.

MIKE: “Yeah, he’s a handsome, 29-year-old millionaire in Bora Bora. I think he’s OK.”

ANDY: “Thank you, pervert.”

P.J.: “I just can’t believe you didn’t tell us!”

ANDY: “I had more important things on my mind! Like worrying about that girl you (Brendo) tied to the railroad tracks.”

P.J. decides to consult her tax guy. Well, the person she can tell gossip and stories to: Stephanie. (BTW, Kellee, you look 100 times hotter in the straight hair. Well, the straight hair you had in season 1.) P.J. relates to Stephanie that Bobby came to her room the night before the wedding but also visited Andy. P.J. is hoping that this is the potential for something romantic. This time, Stephanie tells her something that the rest of the planet would likely agree with.

“Do you know what a crazy person is? It is a person that does the same thing over and over again and honestly expects a different result.”

Stephanie cuts P.J. off before she can get on a roll. P.J. wussed out on him after dragging him to Italy and helped him plan his wedding. She insists that P.J. move on.

“A wound heals faster in the sunlight,” is the advice Stephanie gives. In the next breath, she breaks it by confessing “I slept with Kenny” out of P.J.’s listening range.

Back around the poker table, P.J. and the guys wait for Bobby and Andy to show. Although it looks like Bobby will be another no-show, Andy arrives…in body, not spirit. Even all of you who DON’T have kids didn’t believe Andy could keep that up for long. He plays poker from P.J.’s couch, where he falls asleep. Well, his wallet will play. Fortunately, Bobby has returned, sporting a beard that looks…well, human. He knows that Mike is still sleeping with Maggie, based on the 12 letters Mike sent him. Kenny tells him about the mustache contest. (“Hey, did you ride in on one of those bicycles with one big wheel and one little wheel?”) But at least the poker game can continue.

The crowd breaks up for the night. Andy’s wallet lost $80 playing poker, and the guys head out for some food. This leaves Bobby and P.J. alone.

P.J. (voiceover) “I looked it up, and the phrase ‘out of left field’ came from when the Cubs moved to Wrigley in 1915. The U of I (University of Illinois) bought the old property and put up a mental hospital where left field used to be. So the phrase has come to mean ‘anything that has come out of the blue and…well, crazy’.”

This is the time for P.J. to say something somewhat out of left field. She confesses to Bobby there were a lot of things she wanted to say to him while they were still in Italy, and that he seemed to want to say things to her at the wedding. She admits that she is still crazy about him and has been for a long time. She wants there to be more between them but is OK if there isn’t. Bobby seems to take this as good news, given the passionate kiss he gives P.J. As it turns out, Bobby is crazy about her and thought about her all during his honeymoon. He even has a 12-page letter to prove it. He then realizes he just kissed P.J. while sporting a beard, something not all women like.

BOBBY: “Oh, is it kind of like kissing a burly adventurer?”

P.J.: “It’s like kissing the guy who yells at the ‘L’.” (Well, we’ve all been there, right?)

Author: murphtones for IMDB