My Boys is one show that amazes me it´s still on air and on a third season while so many great sitcoms get the cut. I just can´t get it that they cancelled Arrested Development and My Boys kept rolling… but hey, I´m no exec. And here it is… filled with spoilers of My Boys…
Complete Recap and Spoilers of My Boys 3×05 – Carpe Burritoem
“Everyone has that friend who doesn’t necessarily know what best for themselves. That would be my friend, Brendan.”
Prosecution’s Exhibit A: Brendan walks into Crowley’s after driving his scooter there. In the middle of winter. A Chicago winter. Even I’m not that stupid, and I wear t-shirts on 5 degree days without a coat. (and buy a chocolate shake at McDonald’s) Of course, with Brendan compounding the fact that he doesn’t even know how to ride one, we get the classic “If I had a dollar…” line from P.J. The obligatory debate on P.J.’s potential investment is cut short by the fact that Kenny has a new band: The Kenny Moritorri Band. He has a gig at Brando’s new club. (“Technically, it’s an open mike night.”) However, the band needs a new bassist for their gig (open mike night), so Andy steps up to the plate. It turns out that Andy was in a high-school band called “Skank.” Clearly, the name “We’ll Never Get Any” was taken. Andy is slightly insulted that he has to audition for the gig (open mike night!), but Kenny decides that beggars can’t be choosers. The good news is, they can use Andy’s minivan to transport the drums to the gig. (“IT’S NOT A GIG!”)
Stephanie arrives to announce her latest edition to the Cosmo Klatch: she is giving a seminar based on her “You’re a Great Guy, But…” book. Women bring their girlfriends who need to break up with a guy to be coached by Stephanie. However, she needs one of the guys to act as a “dumping dummy” so that these women can practice breaking up with their toxic boyfriends….you’ve already guessed Mike, haven’t you. Yeah, the gang can’t even come up with “dummy Mike” jokes; sometimes they hand you the lines too easily. Mike is hesitant, but Stephanie points out that there will be a lot of single women who just broke up with their boyfriends and are a little buzzed on wine. (Wow, her stock just went up a few points for being superficial in the good way.) Mike is in.
MIKE: “Fish in a barrel, meet Sexy Mike!”
BOBBY: “RUN, FISH, RUN!!!!”
P.J.’s financial total on Brendan is $12, based on some of the incidents she listed where he made bad decisions in her presence. When Brando walks in after having done his best Gary Busey imitation on the scooter, we’re now up to $13. P.J. has an idea to help him avoid kiwi schnapps, blue socks, 3rd bowl of pretzels, and the homemade toothpaste made of baking soda and egg whites. (refrigeration optional) She will make his decisions for a week and see how much better things are for him. Brando actually considers this a good idea (like having a little P.J. on his shoulder) and agrees to it. Probably should have agreed before eating the three-week old yogurt, but at least P.J. is up to $14 now.
At the weekly poker game, little P.J. seems to be having the desired effect. The clothes she picked out for Brendan are much nicer, his injured wrist is healing thanks to a visit to the doctor, and she 86’s the microwave burrito he was about to have. Mike is only too happy to consume the burrito for him…and promptly has to leave the table. Kenny even uses this new arrangement to borrow some time at Brando’s bar to practice for his gig (open mike night!) that Brando originally rejects. Andy needs the rehearsal time during his lunch hour, but Kenny is already thinking ahead. He thinks the band needs to practice 20 hours a week so they can get to the next level. (writing, album, summer tour with Wilco)
ANDY: “When you say ‘next level” that kind of implies we’re on some sort of level. But…we’re not. We’re nothing.”
At Stephanie’s seminar, a woman is lamenting the problems with her career-minded boyfriend. Stephanie encourages her to break up with Ethan…via Mike. (“Ethan, you’re a great guy…but we’re through.”) Success! Even Mike is proud of her. However, Mike seems to forget a golden rule: no booze when you’re on the clock. After several ladies have practiced breaking up with him (complete with a face slap and issues that would keep Freud busy for weeks), a few glasses of wine loosens him up and brings out his inner stand-up comedian. (In his defense, Jamie Kaler is supposed to be funny as hell in stand-up.) After one woman thinks her “boyfriend” is more in love with himself…
“Well it’s hard. When you got a body like this, how can you not love it?? C’mon ladies! You know it! You see it! I’m like a thoroughbred! I gotta run! You can’t keep me in the paddock, lady! I gotta get out on that grass and start dancing!”
STEPHANIE: “Time for a break!”
In spite of Mike’s best efforts, his humorous charms actually work on a woman, Robin, who asks him out on a date. Mike hasn’t had this much of a self-esteem boost since throwing up on himself in the 6th grade.
At the Kenny Moritorri Band’s rehearsal, everybody is ready to go, but Kenny needs a band meeting. He wants everybody in the band to write 5 original songs by next week and come up with 10 different names for their first album. The one they haven’t even made yet. Once the meeting is over, it’s time to jam. The only problem is that Andy has to get to a deposition in 20 minutes. The guitarist, who clearly never minded the bollocks, can sympathize. His last one did not go well. (At least Andy has a new client.)
Of course, since it’s Brendan’s bar, he is there working. Fortunately, the comfortable shoes P.J. picked out for him helps him with all the standing…to say nothing of the baby powder! A woman comes in to drop off flyers for her band: Downward Spiral. She looks like a cross between Hilary Duff and Liz Phair…minus about 50 I.Q. points. In other words, Brando’s in LOVE! Fortunately, you have me here to actually listen to what she’s saying.
GWENDOLYN: “Amazing. My psychics agreed I was going to meet an ‘R’ and an ‘N’. Wow, Brennnn-daaannn. We’re supposed to spent multiple lifetimes together. Wanna get started?”
At Crowley’s, while Kenny questions Andy’s loyalty to the band, mainly because he didn’t show up at the merry-go-round for the album photo for the CD that doesn’t exist yet, Brando wants to talk about how wicked Gwendolyn is. Boston wicked, Witch wicked, doesn’t matter. It also doesn’t matter that her band stinks; he is smitten with the wicked rocker chick. Well, technically she’s a singer/bassist, but P.J.—and the rest of the planet—agrees she’s psycho/crazy. (Also the original name of Skank, BTW.) P.J. immediately calls for the veto, saying she’s a microwave burrito with blue socks driving a scooter. Only problem is, Brendan invited her over to Crowley’s. Brendan promises that he’ll only buy her a beer and talk music. The hot kiss Gwendolyn plants on him seems to suggest she agrees moving Lollapalooza to Chicago was a good idea. She’s running off to Tulsa and wants Brendan to meet her there in the morning. (“Tulsa? That’s one LONG scooter ride.) P.J. IMMEDIATELY nixes that idea, saying you don’t start exercising by running a triathlon. Brando goes to get them a pitcher of beer…and sprints out the door.
BOBBY: “We’re not getting our beer, are we.”
Mike’s first date with Robin went very well. He never realized that being funny was his “in.” (Yeah, me neither.) The second date is a very important test: a date with friends. However, his one-liners don’t seem to go as well with her friends.
MIKE: “You had an emergency at the hospital? What, did you lose your patience (patients)?”
JILL: “A school bus crashed.”
Well, in Mike’s defense, making fun of someone wearing a Bluetooth headset in Colonial Williamsburg was a little less tasteless. However, it certainly didn’t endear him to Robin’s friends.
At the next band rehearsal for the Kenny Moritorri Band, Andy needs to talk to Kenny. It seems he talked to the rest of the band and feels they should go on without Kenny, since they have more fun just playing instead of listening to him. That’s right: Kenny Moritorri has been thrown out of the Kenny Moritorri Band. What term do you use for the complete OPPOSITE of irony?
Stephanie has a problem: Brando was supposed to be the “dumping dummy” for tonight before going Richard Kimble on everybody and Mike has to wait for a call from Robin. She asks Bobby, but he wants to stay to hear the group formerly known as the Kenny Moritorri Band. P.J. tells Stephanie he’ll do it, but Bobby takes offense.
BOBBY: “Whoh, wait. I think you got me confused with Brando, Peej. See, I’m not the guy you get to make all the decisions for.”
P.J.: “Oh, you’re right. I’m sorry. (winks at Stephanie)
STEPHANIE: “Of course you’re not, Bobby. I’ll see you at eight.” (cough–WHIPPED–cough)
At the seminar, Bobby is very helpful with the first woman. The woman is Robin, who is practicing to break up with Mike. Sure enough, she gets on the phone and dumps Mike during the seminar, right in front of Bobby and Stephanie and a roomful of strangers. (“HANG UP, MIKE!! IT’S A TRAP!!!”)
Back at Crowley’s, everybody consoles Kenny for being kicked out of the Kenny Moritorri Band. Truthfully, Mike can’t garner much sympathy after thinking Robin dumped him for being too funny. Almost on cue, Brendan walks in sporting an “I Love Tulsa” sweater and looking like he just completed a two-day meth binge.
BRENDAN: “That woman is in—-sane! We partied in a quarry. We had sex in a nursing home. I got pushed in a river, we broke into a zoo! I had to take a bus home because somehow she got me on the no-fly list!”
BOBBY: “Tulsa has a river?”
Brendan doesn’t smell too good either, as Gwendolyn cleansed his spirits with turtle urine. She’s sort of a cross between Phoebe Buffay and Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction, wouldn’t you say? P.J. is forced to relent…
“Sometimes you can only do much to protect someone from themselves. You can show them the dangers, but…”
BRENDAN: “Sometimes P.J., you just gotta eat the burrito.”
Good advice, as they go out for an Awful Burger, which is a double-cheeseburger, grilled onions, covered in chili, deep-fried hash browns with an egg on top. (For the healthier version, you can skip the egg.) P.J. throws caution to the wind and joins them. At least now she can get them for half-price!