episodes-episode-four-quote-spoiler-matt-leblanc-showtimeMatt Leblanc is back… and now he plays himself in the new Showtime show Episodes.

Tonight a new episode of Episodes called Episode Four aired (I had to put it like that). This time Sean and Beverly have to retrieve Matt from a seedy bar outside of LA so that the paparazzi waiting outside won’t see him driving home drunk. What follows is an all-night road trip which takes the trio from a run-in with a paparazzo to Matt’s ex-wife’s house and finally to his son’s bedroom, where Matt is forced to confront the mess he’s made of his life. The transformative evening even manages to bring Matt and Beverly closer together. The question is: for how long?

Best Quotes from Episodes S01E04 – Episode Four

Student: I´m only twelve. Are we having this conversation?

Student: She was shooshing you. She´s a librarian. That´s what they do
Matt Leblanc: That´s not the only thing they do
Student: Again. I´m twelve

Matt:  “What do you know about gay?”
Student: “Both of my dads are gay,”
Matt: “Jesus. Both of them? What are the odds of that?”

Beverly: Did I mention I hate this show?
Sean: Might have come up

Sean: Oh my God, she´s older than you
Beverly: Oh you fucker
Sean: Well, that´s what you are thinking isn´t it?

Sean: She´s so plastic. Those boobs… Yack
Beverly: Mmhhmm
Sean: I´m telling you. I like the real thing. Give me a woman who looks her age… five years younger than her… seven years younger…ten… you are a fetus
Beverly: Walk away Sean, just walk away

Matt: I´ll be fine. I´ll just give the judge a couple of “How you doin´s”

Morning: Alright, my girl likes the dick

Matt: He can´t high five

Beverly: It´s good you made a titty friend

Sean: Give her you evil glare… not me… her!

Matt: Don´t look at her, look at me

Matt: It´s like I´m Captain Hook and he´s the Crocodile following me with the ticking clock

Matt: Are you wearing your pijamas?
Beverly: I didn´t realize we were going to a place this elegant

Diane: If you wake them I´ll break your fucking arms

Recap from Episodes S01E04 – Episode Four

Recap by Detective Briscoe

On set, filming the pilot for “Pucks”. Matt, as the hockey coach, ogles the librarian. He talks to a student, who tells him he thinks the librarian is gay.

“What do you know about gay?” Matt asks (in character). “Both of my dads are gay,” the kid says. “Jesus. Both of them? What are the odds of that?” Matt asks.

After the cut, Bev grumbles that she hates the show. Bev gets passed a note from the crew and says it’s about Morning, whose age she is obsessed with.

Sean says he doesn’t care, then grabs the note. Morning is older than Bev. Sean tries to say he likes the real thing.

“Give me a woman who looks her age,” he says, then realizes he’s stepped in it. “Five years younger? Seven? Ten? You’re a fetus?”

Bev advises him to walk away.

Later, Matt calls Morning over to settle something. Matt mentions he’s on the way to a custody hearing. He’s not worried. “I’ll just give the judge a couple of ‘How you doings?'”

Morning asks Sean if they’re going to have catch phrases. Sean says they’re cheesy. “Cheesy? Tell that to my house in Malibu,” Matt says.

Matt has Sean confirm to Morning that her character isn’t gay anymore. She goes for a high five, but he’s inept.

She has him try again, then goes for the fist bump. When he manages, she throws herself around him with a big bosomy hug. Bev glares.

Later at home, Bev grills him about Morning. Sean tries to avoid the inevitable argument and is saved by the phone ringing. It’s Matt, calling drunk from a bar.

He lost his custody hearing and wants Sean to pick him up.

“I’m sorry he lost his children, but can’t he take a cab?” Bev asks.

Bev wonders why Matt called him and Sean insists he and Matt are friends. Bev insists on going with him.

They pull up to see Matt’s car and a lone paparazzo waiting outside.

Inside, Matt says “you brought her?” when he sees Bev.

He insists Bev and Sean join him for a drink. Sean says they have to be on set at 7 a.m. and want a rain check.

Matt tells them the paparazzo outside is his nemesis, dating back to 10 years ago when he smashed his camera, and his head may have been involved.

Matt says he’s like the alligator with the ticking clock inside him.

Bev laughs, surprised at the “Peter Pan” reference.

“I’m full of f—– whimsy,” Matt insists.

Sean suggests Matt go out back and they’ll distract the crocodile.

Outside, Sean asks the paparrazo to take their picture, saying he just proposed. He offers the guy $100 as Matt sneaks out the back. But then Matt ends up creeping around the lot. He shouts, asking which car is theirs.

The photog gets his pictures.

In the car ride home, Matt complains about the paparazzo and tries to light up. Bev tells him not to, even though they’re in a convertible. The GPS woefully misguides them. It’s broken, but they don’t know how to turn it off.

Matt tells them he had a rule in his custody agreement not to have girls over when the kids were there, and the nanny had to be there. He insists he didn’t have someone over.

Sean figures it was the nanny. “She was already in the house! That shouldn’t count,” Matt says.

One of the boys walked in on them.

Now he only gets to see them every other weekend. “Every other weekend, just for screwing the nanny? She’s not even that hot!” he insists.

Bev scoffs and they start bickering.

Matt directs them to pull up to a house, where he crawls up the front stairs and pounds on the door. Watching from the street, Bev and Sean wonder where they are. They’re not in Malibu and no one is answering.

Bev and Sean go to investigate. A woman answers. Matt wants to see the boys. It’s his ex-wife Diane. She can see he’s drunk, but he wants to see the kids. He promises not to wake them up.

“Just once, don’t be a c—?” he says.

Somehow this works and she lets them in to see the kids.

The four of them stand in the boys’ room, admiring them. Matt raves about the older one just winning a talent competition.

Matt is pained about seeing them only every other weekend. “I’m such an a—–.”

In the car home, Bev tells Matt his kids are cute. Matt gets maudlin, talking about how quiet the house is without the boys. Bev offers to let him stay at their place.

She and Sean are both shocked by the offer.

Matt thanks them for coming to get him. He tells Sean he was sure he’d come, but he wasn’t expecting Beverly.

He actually gets her name right. It’s a touching moment, until he pukes a little on her shoulder.

Back home, Sean thinks the evening will make the difference between her and Matt.

The next day, Matt comes downstairs and immediately back to calling her Betsy. He’s stunned there’s no coffee in the house.

Their maid comes in and is stunned to see Joey in the house. She gives him a “how you doing?”

In Spanish, he asks the maid if Bev is a head ache. Bev is mocked and totally left out.

Sean comes downstairs and can’t believe the tension is back.

And then Kendra comes downstairs. Apparently Matt woke up in the middle of the night and called her. They met at Jamba Juice.

Then Kendra tells a long, anti-climactic story about introducing Matt to a new juice.

Sean hustles everyone off for the day.

“Has anyone seen my dog?” Kendra asks.

What did you think of Episodes Episode Four?  Let me know in the comments section. Also, remember to follow me on Twitter for more scoop and spoilers on Episodes.