Tag Archives: Modern Family spoilers

Best Quotes and Spoilers from Modern Family season three premiere back episode S03E02 – When Good Kids Go Bad

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modern-family-spoilers-quotes-when-good-kids-go-badWe already did several articles about big shows premiering the quotes and spoilers from How I Met Your Mother season seven premiere, and HIMYM The Naked Truth episode, and Two and a Half Men premiere with Ashton Kutcher,  and this one has earned every Emmy possible and started with a doubleheader, after Modern Family season three premiere, it had the second episode called When Good Kids Go Bad, in which Mitch and Cam plan a nice evening with the whole family to break the happy news that they’re looking to adopt another child. However their parade is rained on when they realize Lily may not take well to another baby in the house. Meanwhile, Claire and Jay are each consumed with proving a certain point.

Best Quotes and Spoilers from Dunphys and Pritchets on Season three premiere doubleheader of Modern Family – When Good Kids Go Bad

Phil Dunphy: I´m whole lotta funny to go shopping with

Phil Dunphy: Honey, did you pull from the bottom again?

Cameron: She barely touched him and he went from zero to big cry baby

Alex: Could you try to L a little less OL? Don´t you see what I´m trying to do here?
Haley: Die alone?

Gloria: What´s with the looks, it´s like a silent movie in here

Mitchell: Good morning princess, good morning Lily

Gloria: Now promise me you will never ever do anything dishonest again
Manny: I promise
Gloria: Because that´s not the way I raised you

Cameron: She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flee market

Mitchell: In the attic?
Luke: Hey, at least it´s big, grandpa says you used tolive in the closet

Lily: My daddy!
Mitchell: Lily, no! Sorry Luke
Luke: This isn´t over

Gloria: You´d be surprised what things people can live with, Jay

Jay: What the hell´s happening here?
Phil Dunphy: Is that from Footloose?

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Best Quotes and Spoilers from Modern Family season three premiere – Dude Ranch

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modern-family-season-three-premiere-quotes-spoilers-dunphy-pritchett-dude-ranchWell, after checking out the quotes and spoilers from How I Met Your Mother season seven premiere, and HIMYM The Naked Truth episode, and Two and a Half Men premiere with Ashton Kutcher, it´s time for the other huge sitcom on TV to start, and this one has earned every Emmy possible.

Modern Family season three premiered to an episode called Dude Ranch, as the kickstart of a doubleheader. In this episode Reid Ewing hit it out of the park! He stole the episode playing Dylan!

In this episode, the family decides to don their cow boots and hats and head to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for some fun and adventure in the great outdoors. While vacationing on Lost Creek Ranch, they try their hands at a little cattle herding, skeet shooting and horseback riding; there are also some big firsts, a huge surprise and an actual face off between Jay and a foe – a cowboy named Hank.

Best Quotes and Spoilers from Dunphys and Pritchets on Season three premiere of Modern Family – Dude Ranch

Phil Dunphy: What if Dylan and I share a horse?

Claire Dunphy: I hate landings
Dylan: We´ll get through this

Cameron: We are adopting from America, you might say we are buying domestic
Mitchell: In private, you might do that in private

Cameron: It´s called production value

Gloria: I´m like the horse whisperer, but something is getting this one scarish

Dylan: I´ve never been this far from home, now I´ve never been this far, now I´ve never been this far
Claire: Where´s a cliff when you need one?

Jay: This is my wife Gloria
Hank: Well, she´s Cactus Flower now Old Timer

Phil Dunphy: I´ve been practicing all my cowboy skills like crazy: shooting, roping, pancake eating, Why? Because sometimes I feel Jay doesn´t respect me as a man

Phil Dunphy: I´m not looking for a hug, I just want to get that look of new found respect

Cameron: Ok, Tres Macho! No smile, no smile

Mitchell: I realized that if I was going to raise a boy I needed to butch up my life, you know, I want to be able to teach my son all the things my dad taught… Claire

Jimmy: You wanna see me do a cannonball?
Alex: I rather see you hit by one

Cameron: Why are you riding like that?
Mitchell: Because I was afraid that cow would come and bite me
Cameron: Yeah, because your leg seems so desirable in those

Phil Dunphy: Who´s Bossy?
Hank: That´s the nickname of your wife
Phil Dunphy: Funny!

Dylan: Yo Mom, you rock
Claire: Yeah, I wish I had a rock

Jimmy: Why are you fighting me gorgeous? This really works

Lily: You kissed a boy
Alex: No, Lily, the boy kissed me, the boy kissed me

Claire: I want to talk to you
Dylan: Oh, you want me to go home?
Claire: No, it´s the opposite to that
Dylan: I want you to go home?

Dylan: You are totally a hot mom, but I can´t do this
Claire: Oh My God!

Dylan: Fiuuu! That would´ve been awkward
Claire: So awkward
Dylan: But for the record, Mrs Dunphy, if Haley wasn´t my girlfriend, and Mr Dunphy was not in the picture, I would be honored to share your bed and raise Haley, Alex and Luke as my own

Phil Dunphy: I think you said it all, Claire, do you want me to rope her? I can you know

Hank: For what is worth, my second wife was in highschool

Mitchell: I slept on the couch, I know you didn´t want to have a big fight last night
Cameron: Well, I´m ready now

Phil Dunphy: Buffalo Phil, it was worth the wait

Luke: Can you keep a secret?
Mitchell: I kept a pretty big one for 22 years

Mitchell: I don´t get boys. What is so great about destroying things?
Luke: It turns stuff into flying chunks of stuff

Mitchell: We´ll do it together
Luke: You just made the best decision of your life

Luke: After this it´s gonna be Angry Birds
Mitchell: Yeah, By Bye Birdie… it´s a big musical from the sixties… no, forget about it

Gloria: He ain´t down there

Gloria: Do I look like the kind of woman who would cheat on her husband
Hank: Yes

Phil Dunphy: Only we touch our women when they don´t want us to

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Modern Family S02E18 Boys Night Quotes and Spoilers

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modern-family-spoilers-quotes-boys-nightEvery wednesday night when a new episode of Modern Family airs, that´s a good thing.
And even a guy like Manu Ginobili, in a heartbreaking loss day tweeted about Modern Family´s episode saying: In a night like tonight, on the road, only two people can cheer me up. Sheldon Cooper & Phil Dunphy. Their time.

In this episode of Modern Family Phil and Claire have some trepidation when they find out that Luke has befriended their crotchety old neighbor, Mr. Kleezak; Jay’s attempt to avoid sitting through a symphony concert with Gloria and Manny lands him in the middle of Mitchell and Cameron’s “boys’ night out”; and Haley has her own adventures in babysitting with Lily.

Best Quotes from Modern Family S02E18 Boys Night

Phil Dunphy: Boys versus girls, testosterone versus estrogen, standing up to pee versus
Claire: Come on Phil

Haley: Can I be sent to my room?
Claire: Nope, because we are having family fun

Claire: If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a child, he´d be afraid of our next door neighbor

Cameron: I´ve been spending time with straight people, and I need some time with my homies.
Mitchell: You mean your “homos”?
Cam: You know maybe you should babysit instead

Haley: Being grounded is so much worse now than it was in the older days: My friends text and Facebook all the fun stuff they are doing while I´m stuck at home playing Jenga with my dad

Mitchell: What are you thinking? Haley is a very sweet and fashionable girl but seems hardly a responsible care giver

Claire: Sweetie, you need to stop watching the news
Alex: That´s your big solution? Embrace Ignorance?
Phil: What are you two arguing about? Nevermind, I don´t want to know

Cam: All you need to do is put her to sleep in half an hour and not let enter a serial killer through the front door
Haley: What if he´s cute?
Mitchell: Well, then save him for us

Jay: What is this? I thought we were seeing Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons
Manny: No, it´s Vivaldi
Jay: Oh crap… you mean nothing but instruments? I´m out of here

Mitchell: When I was 12 years old, my father walked into my bedroom and caught me doing the most embarassing thing that a boy can do: dancing to Madonna´s Lucky Star

Jay: I was drunk, I´m not going shopping with Priscilla Queen of the Desert

Cam: Are you talking about Rob Lowe?
Mitchell: He´s just a great actor. I think his good looks just held him back

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Claire: If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a child, he´d be afraid of our next door neighbor

Modern Family S02E17 Two Monkeys and a Panda Quotes and Spoilers

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modern-family-spoilers-quotes-two-monkeys-pandaYay a new airing of Modern Family, this one called Two Monkeys and a Panda where while Claire runs herself ragged trying to play peacemaker with Haley and Alex, Phil sneaks off for a nice relaxing day at the spa. Meanwhile, Gloria is horrified by Jay’s morbid plans to purchase two primo side-by-side crypts in preparation of the inevitable future, and Cameron decides he wants to write a book that celebrates the fact that Lily is adopted — however, during the process he unearths artifacts that are quite disturbing.

Best Quotes from Modern Family S02E17 – Two Monkeys and a Panda

Phil Dunphy: Claire, I don´t think you are grasping the magnitude of this package valued over 250 dollars. If you don´t use it, all our money gors to charity.

Claire Dunphy: Phil, you are not helping

Haley: I will go on and put your favourite nerdy t-shirt, the one with the guy from Back to the future on it
Alex: That´s Albert Einstein and it is not nerdy!

Cameron: I´m taking away the negative charge on the word adopting. Yay!

Mitchell: What did Oprah do now?

Manny: This is my mother Jay

Gloria: Tada is when you do a flip, or when the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show somebody where you want to shove their dead body.

Cameron: I knew it, you two faced!

Manny: For the first month I didn´t even bother learning your name

Haley: I wish you weren´t even born
Alex: They were trying to make one with a brain

Jay: You drive me crazy on purpose

Gloria: We need to talk about these Tada

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Modern Family S02E16 Regrets Only Recap, Quotes, Spoilers and Photos

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modern-family-spoilers-quotes-regrets-onlyOk, if you follow this site enough, you´d already know Phil Dunphy, Barney Stinson and the duo Shawn Spencer/Burton Guster are the ones that crack me the most. And Modern Family is no doubt one of the funniest sitcoms nowadays and given it enough time, it will be in the Hall of Fame of perennial funny shows. I have showed the best quotes from Phil Dunphy, and now a new episode called Regrets Only aired, where Phil and Claire had a huge fight and Phil hasn’t a clue as to what it was over, so Gloria steps in to counsel Phil and Jay takes Claire. Meanwhile, Jay may have some regret in buying Gloria a karaoke machine, and Cameron is in full prep mode for a huge fundraising event and enlists help from Mitchell and Luke — which might not be the best choices.

Best Quotes from Modern Family S02E16 – Regrets Only

Phil: Hey. Sleep alright?
Claire: No. You? Say no Phil
Phil: Of course no. I missed you up there

Phil: You don´t need to apologize
Claire: I don´t think I was to…
Phil: You were right to be mad

Phil: No. No idea whatsoever

Luke: You are a mess
Phil: Careful buddy, not today

Mitchell: Cam has it in his head that I don´t listen to him
Cam: Do you Mitchell, do you?

Gloria: I do you. I can do Phil
Phil: You c-c-c-c-can do me

Cam: It is amazing what you notice and what you do not notice

Phil: Happy Valenbirthaversary!

Phil: I thought you were a racoon

Gloria: No woman is ok with this. We don´t forget, we wait, and then when you least expect it, we make you pay

Haley: I´m pregnant

Cam: What can we do?
Luke: I can start a fire
Cam: No. But we´ll keep that in our back pocket

Phil: …I have Claire all over me
Claire: You will soon

Manny: I can´t take it anymore. It´s not singing, it´s screaming. Mom, I love you, but for the love of God destroy that thing before it destro2ysthis family! Coward!
Jay: I think you sound great, but if it bothers the kid
Manny: Coward!

Manny: You keep this up and this won´t be the last plug I pull

Recap from Modern Family S02E16 – Regrets Only

Recap by MurphAndTheMagicTones for IMDB.com

Phil (Ty Burrell) and Claire (Julie Bowen) had a fight? Perish the thought. And why is Claire on the couch? Doesn’t the husband usually get kicked out of the bedroom in traditional sitcoms? Anyway, they hope they’re past their fight, even though Phil has no clue why Claire was upset. Although the disaster area that was the kitchen, including exploded microwave, may have had something to do with it. Speaking of marital bliss, Jay (Ed O’Neill) thought he finally got Gloria (Sofía Vergara) a great gift on time for her birthday. He forgot once and paid for it. He got her the wrong thing once and paid for it. This time, the gift was perfect: a karaoke machine. Yes, he’s paying for it. Gloria is no Juice Newton, that’s for certain. Jay dropping a spoon down the waste disposal on purpose might have been my first clue. Jay makes the mistake of asking what happened the previous night, and the story of the raccoon didn’t hold. Since Jay couldn’t fix the microwave, it was time to go to the mall. Which Phil didn’t want to do with Claire, so he makes up an excuse to get his hair cut. But Jay tells him Gloria cuts hair and does a pretty good job of it.

GLORIA: I guess I could. I do Jay. Why can’t I can do you?

PHIL: (very awkward) Sure, you can…do me.

Jay has no problem taking Claire to the mall. Anything to avoid Gloria’s singing.

Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) was having an event at the house that night, and he was completely excited. Not about the event, but about the fact the last guy who ran the event was an ‘arch-enemy’ of Cam’s (he likes having an archenemy), and nobody RSVP’ed in the negative for the party. Probably because Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) never sent the invitations out. They were hiding under his gym bag in the car.

MITCHELL: I feel terrible. I haven’t been to the gym in six weeks. And I ruined Cam’s event.

There being a PETA event the same night doesn’t help, so Mitchell can’t get anybody to show up last minute, and Luke’s (Nolan Gould) assistance isn’t going so well. But Cam isn’t worried…yet. Even took the time to rub it in to Andrew, his arch-enemy. (“Better get home to Donald. That is the name of your cat, isn’t it?”)

Now anybody who knows what Sofía Vergara looks like and has ever had their hair cut while sitting in a normal chair would probably guess something was constantly in Phil’s face during his haircut. Well, technically, two things. Of course, he’s trying to avoid it/them, but Gloria is getting upset with his fidgeting. Gloria guessed (correctly, actually) that Phil had another thing on his mind (and only one thing). He asks for advice on the fight he had the prior night. Gloria thought that’s why Phil avoided the mall, when in reality Claire enjoyed the masseur at the mall WAY too much.

Haley (Sarah Hyland) had a job at a restaurant and was making quite a lot in tips, which Phil and Claire were matching dollar-for-dollar. Alex (Ariel Winter) was naturally suspicious, and she grilled Manny (Rico Rodriguez) for details when he claimed he never saw Haley at the restaurant. And now we know why Alex is the smart one: she figures out Haley hangs out at the mall and flashes the same cash Jay gave her for her birthday to bump up the donation from Mom and Dad for the car. Sure enough, Alex knows where she wants to go to dinner tonight.

After putting up with watching his daughter moan enough from her massage to have her own porno flick, Jay demands to know what the fight was about, as did Gloria with Phil. Phil saw her freak out, but he didn’t know anything else. We get a flashback to the fight, presumably from Phil’s perspective, as Claire didn’t say why she was going ballistic. In the Jay/Claire combination, we find out she stormed out (“right out of your mother’s playbook), only to get her robe caught in the outside door, resulting in her being outside in her lingerie. She tries to crawl back inside through a vent, only to spook Phil and have him turn a fire extinguisher on her. She was completely off the reservation now, grabbed the extinguisher, and turned it on Phil. He slipped and fell, taking the microwave door with him.

But Gloria can’t believe she did that for no reason. Turns out Claire was upset her friend blew her off for lunch without a note. But Phil did write a note…on a piece of paper the size of a thumbnail. (“You do that to me, and I kill you.”) Then he told Claire about the “accident” that “wasn’t her fault”. (“You do the air bunnies to me, and I kill you.”) THEN, he tells her he ran into an old girlfriend and is getting coffee with her. (“You tell me you see an old girlfriend, and I…” “Kill me, yes.”) But wait! There’s more! He picked up the broccoli and not the cauliflower. And that set her off.

But on the other side of the conversation, Claire tells Jay what’s really going on. Phil had a wedge salad at his friend’s suggestion. Not hers, like she told him way back. Same with music, movies, everything. He’ll listen to everyone’s opinions except hers. They confronted each other about it in the morning (Phil still didn’t have a clue.) And Claire thought Jay should confront Gloria about the karaoke singing. Be a straight shooter.

JAY: When you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.

Cameron can’t find Mitchell, who is busy trying to get invitations out to anybody and everybody he can. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire take Alex to Haley’s restaurant. Haley tries the ‘ol ‘no reservation’ trick, but Alex thought of that one already. They order drinks (Alex making a really complicated drink order, natch) and Haley tries to hit up a real waitress to get the drinks for her. Phil tries to make amends, saying he won’t be seeing is ex and nobody called for Claire. (No, it’s not working.) The gift of a cauliflower doesn’t work, either. Claire finally wonders what the hell he’s doing.

PHIL: I still feel bad about…you know…what I did. (which he didn’t)

Claire still claims they’re OK, until Phil takes a suggestion from his friend, Skip Woosnam, for a wedge salad. Claire finally goes off on him about not taking her suggestions. They made her feel like she didn’t matter. And Haley got “fired” because of Mom’s little outburst.

It was a family party at Cam and Mitchell’s, because nobody else showed. And Gloria’s singing has gotten worse. (“We passed by two cars and dogs stuck their heads back in the windows.”) But at least now Claire knows Phil was thankful she changed him for the better in a hundred different ways, if the lack of a ponytail and feathered earring were any indication. (“I may miss a book or a salad here and there, but I’ve got Claire all over me.”) Cameron goes up to start the very quiet evening, but Mitchell comes through in the clutch.

JAY: You can’t have a successful marriage without being a good listener. Sometimes it takes work, sometiems it takes a lot of work. And sometimes it’s just excruciating.

Fortunately, Manny begs Gloria to stop before Jay says anything. Jay is a coward, according to Manny. But he did try to sing Danny Boy. (“You keep this up, and this won’t be the last plug I pull.”)

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Modern Family S02E15 Princess Party Recap, Quotes, Spoilers and Photos

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modern-family-spoilers-quotes-princess-partyOk, if you follow this site enough, you´d already know Phil Dunphy, Barney Stinson and the duo Shawn Spencer/Burton Guster are the ones that crack me the most. And Modern Family is no doubt one of the funniest sitcoms nowadays and given it enough time, it will be in the Hall of Fame of perennial funny shows. I have showed the best quotes from Phil Dunphy, and now a new episode called Princess Party aired, where the guest list for Lily’s princess-themed birthday party gets a little out of hand when Mitchell decides to invite mom, much to Claire’s dismay, and disinvite Fizbo, much to Cameron’s dismay. Things get even more strange when Dede (guest star Shelley Long) shows up with Claire’s old high school boyfriend (guest star Matt Dillon) in tow, and Jay and Gloria each turn to their own unique methods of dealing with this gathering of misfits.

Best Quotes from Modern Family S02E15 – Princess Party

Claire: We had you tested six times. Believe me, I was praying for dislexia

Phil: Hey Luke, if your mom starts to lose it, I need you to lighten the mood by being extra cute
Luke: No problem, I´ve got some stuff prepared.

Mitchell: Gun to my head, I´d say pull the trigger

Mitchell: The center of attention at Lily´s party should be Lily; not Fizbo the needy clown

Mitchell: Well, if the shoe fits
Cam: They don´t. They are comically large

Luke: Ok, I need a giant lollypop and I need it now

Robby: How do you know Claire?
Phil: I know Claire from being married to Claire

Claire: Mom didn´t mention that I am married with three kids?
Robby: No, all she said is that you are still trying to figure out your life
Claire: Really? Mom
Phil: Dede?
Dede: Aren´t we all?
Claire: No, not really

Claire: Mom, I could use some help in the kitchen
Dede: Your words, not mine

Dede: I don´t know about you, but I was not raised that way
Claire: You raised me

Gloria: That was a bear
Jay: A bear? I was going to get a crucifix

Claire: I don´t see mom since she made out with my ex boyfriend

Gloria: Buenos Dias Dede mi amor bello como estas?

Claire: You win. I´m screaming at a Princess Party

Robby: Your little intimidation thing may have worked when I was a kid. But I´m a full grown man now… and I´ll go

Phil: I got Gloria!

Recap from Modern Family S02E15 – Princess Party

Recap by MurphAndTheMagicTones

Claire (Julie Bowen) is at a full boil already, and Phil (Ty Burrell) is going to stop it before it starts. Her mother, DeDe, is coming to town, and Phil wants the kids on their best behavior. Alex (Ariel Winter) will just play the cello in her room, and Luke (Nolan Gould) has pages of cutesy material to roll out to help Claire. But Alex playing the theme to Jaws was so apropos, as DeDe (Shelley Long) comes in…with Claire’s high school boyfriend, Robbie Sullivan (Matt Dillon). (Oh, we’re just gettin’ started with the awkward stuff.) Turns out DeDe invited Robbie to dinner at Claire’s, and to Lily’s Princess Birthday Party, and didn’t tell Robbie that Claire was married. He actually has to meet Phil for the evidence. (And Phil’s hand still smelled like cheese.)

DE DE: Oh, Claire! Sometimes I forget you’re all grown up! In my mind, you’re still just twelve! But look at us: two old ladies!

(FYI, that would be the nicest thing DeDe says to Claire the entire episode.)

To back up a bit, Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) are throwing Lily a Princess-themed birthday party, and somehow Cameron thinks Fizbo would be perfect for it. Naturally Mitchell (and those with taste) disagree. Understandable, because one of their friends was going to be in Chicago, and Cameron thought that meant the musical.

MITCHELL: It’s a princess party theme, and clearly you don’t respect party themes.

CAMERON: You did NOT just say that.

MITCHELL: (apologetic) You’re right, that crossed a line. I’m sorry.

Fizbo still wasn’t invited, though. Jay (Ed O’Neill) and Gloria (Sofía Vergara) bought a children’s book for Lily (turning down Manny’s suggestion of cashmere) where they could record their voices. After much effort, and Manny’s (Rico Rodriguez) assistance with playing the baby bear, they got it. Although Manny thought he would have done a better job had he known the baby bear was a girl. (JAY: I think you nailed it.) But Gloria was hesitant about going to the party since DeDe was going to be there, and their last 2 meetings (including the wedding) were disasters. Gloria hoped Jay wasn’t too upset.

JAY: (in interview) GREATEST! NEWS! EVER!!!

In fact, he even thought the same technique would work to get him out of the communion of their friend’s daughter. Until Gloria decided she wasn’t going to let DeDe dictate when and where she could visit her family, because she wanted to see the kids’ birthdays and graduations.

Claire consults with Mitchell about their mother bringing Robbie over for dinner.

CLAIRE: Every time he opens his mouth, I can feel my daughters losing respect for me.

MITCHELL: It is totally amazing the freaks we used to date.

FIZBO: ‘Allo, Gov’nor!

Mitchell shoots down the “court jester” angle Cameron thought up for Fizbo. (“There goes the theory that a British accent makes everybody sound smart.”) Then he hits Cam/Fizbo with the fact he hired a princess for the party. (cue the gasp…) Cameron is going ballistic, but Mitch tells him to act like a parent for once.

As DeDe regails Claire’s kids with stories of Claire sneaking in at 3 in the morning with Robbie, which Haley (Sarah Hyland) loved, btw, Claire relied on Phil’s technique of squeezing his hand under the table rather than getting ticked off at her mother. He might have broken a few fingers on this one. Ordinarily, Claire liked roller coasters, but not this one. Phil thought the night was about DeDe wishing Claire married Robbie instead of him. However, they catch catches DeDe making out with her limo driver, Robbie. At least Phil’s off the hook.

The party was a disaster. And within the first five seconds. Cameron eyed the priness like a stalker (“Glitter? That’ll settle in her lungs.”), DeDe was AWOL but left notes about her good time with Robbie, and Gloria decided to take in the party with some Xanax…washed down with a shot of tequila. DeDe showed up with Robbie and Cameron berated the princess for breaking character after he hounded her for methods of payment. Mitchell thinks it’s about him for DeDe not staying over, Claire thought it was about her and her ex-boyfriend, and Jay thought it was about him and having a younger wife now. And the well-medicated Gloria wondered why everybody was having a bad time at a party. Well, since DeDe critcized Lily’s wardrobe and Robbie put Mitchell in a headlock and gave him head noogies like he did when they were kids and Gloria was practically making out with DeDe, there might have been an issue or two.

Claire confronts Robbie, who confesses he always had a crush on DeDe (while he was dating Claire!) and was fulfilling his fantasy. And Robbie misinterprets that as Claire still wanting him, which he tells DeDe…and she’s ticked!

CLAIRE: Why does everything have to be so hard with you? Why can’t be you just be a normal old grandma? It’s a sick game with you! You push people and push people to see how far you can push them! Well guess what? You win! I’m screaming at a Princess Party, Mom!!

Phil tells Robbie to leave, but he refuses becaus he thinks the princess likes him. Then Jay intimidates him into going, and he does. And Gloria playfully hits Jay with a balloon. On the good side, Mitchell gives Cam the green light to break out Fizbo.

MITCHELL: I guess every kid needs a little clown for a dad.

CAMERON: Oh, you just made a little girl so happy!

MITCHELL: Yes, I can see that.

DeDe was almost crying in the corner because she gave in to the attentions of a younger man. Jay waves it off, but it went deeper than that. DeDe left to find something better and still hasn’t done it. But Jay said he didn’t have the guts to end the marriage when it needed to be.

DE DE: I just don’t want to be thought of as ‘crazy Nana.’ I think my real problem…IS HER!!!! (attacks Gloria)

So it was about Jay. And once again, Phil’s got Gloria. But Lily did like the book. The recording in the book, where Jay drinks and says Cam’s going to return it anyway, not so much. (cue gasp)

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Modern Family S02E14 Bixby´s Back Recap, Quotes, Spoilers and Photos

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modern-family-spoilers-quotes-bixby-backOk, if you follow this site enough, you´d already know Phil Dunphy, Barney Stinson and the duo Shawn Spencer/Burton Guster are the ones that crack me the most. And Modern Family is no doubt one of the funniest sitcoms nowadays and given it enough time, it will be in the Hall of Fame of perennial funny shows. I have showed the best quotes from Phil Dunphy, and now a new episode called Bixby´s Back aired, when In an attempt to avoid turning into that old boring couple, Phil and Claire decide to revisit their Clive and Juliana role-playing rendezvous from last Valentine’s Day. Meanwhile Jay has planned an elaborate surprise evening for Gloria, but his plans keep getting thwarted, and an admirer comes between Cameron and Mitchell on V-day, but they can’t agree whom the admiration is directed towards.

Best Quotes from Modern Family S02E14 – Bixby´s Back

Phil Dunphy: That reminds me I wanna see that baby panda at the zzzoo
Alex: Yeah, I´m the idiot

Claire: I know Phil and I are going to grow old together someday, but it´s not today

Claire: Make up some lie, ditch that blond wife of yours and meet me in the hotel in fifteen days

Phil: Claire, I´m leaving, so deal with it

Jay: Here´s the thing
Gloria: Oh no, not  the thing, I hate the thing

Alex: Sam and I made plans to phone watch Love Actually together
Haley: That´s the lamest plan ever and I´m jealous

Manny: I´m playing the long game here: Like me today, love me tomorrow

Haley: I hit a new low
Manny: You can talk to me
Haley: And I´m lower

Phil: You look hot enough to bake a pizza on

Jay: Then an angel of God came, a big gay angel

Phil: There´s been a tiny mistake

Mitchell: Well pick up China and move it to Vermont

Gloria: Now we know you are romantic, but I´m smarter than you

Gloria: Shut up, I win

Claire: Do you think you can handle it, Phil?

Claire: Am I a bad parent enough to ignore that?
Phil: You are, you are bad

Recap from Modern Family S02E14 – Bixby´s Back

Recap by MurphAndTheMagicTones

It’s Valentine’s Day again, and Phil (Ty Burrell) and Claire (Julie Bowen) decided to take it down a notch after what happened last year with their sexy alternate identities of Clive and Julianna…that Claire lost her panties in front of her father. And apparently, she hates the word ‘panties’. (or underpanties, Phil!) Cameron (Eric Stonestreet), being the sweet guy he is, sent Mitchell flowers at work, only Mitchell’s assistant didn’t deliver them. Cameron knows what it’s about: Mitchell’s assistant has a crush on him. Mitchell denies it, but Cam knows how adorable and irresistable Mitch is (hey, if I swung that way, I’d think Jesse Tyler Ferguson is incredibly easy on the eyes), but Cam’s solution of firing him doesn’t sit well with Mitchell.

Phil and Claire have to take a 6:15 reservation at a restaurant, but the place is packed…with people getting the early-bird special. But Phil is convincing Claire they don’t need the crazy V-Day like they had last year; they can kick it with people who probably celebrated V-E Day, too. And Claire agrees, until she gets nailed by the guy driving a personal scooter through the restaurant. And it gets worse when Phil offers to drive it to the front for him…and likes it. It’s time for her to head to the bathroom and change into Juliana. Of course, Phil doesn’t have a clue, so she has to give him PLENTY of prompts. And not crashing into a table as he pretends to dump Claire to go meet Juliana at their hotel.

Jay (Ed O’Neill) and Gloria (Sofía Vergara) are at the same restaurant, only Jay has a plan this year. He’ll pretend to not get the reservation so that the private chef and musicians he arranged can set up at his house. Sounds like a perfect plan, right? Of course, it’s not a matter of IF it will screw-up, but how much and how funny it will be WHEN it screws up. And it took all of two minutes, as Gloria got them in the restaurant. Meanwhile, the kids are at home, where Haley (Sarah Hyland) is bemoaning the fact that not only she doesn’t have a date, but Alex (Ariel Winter) has a date. Being on a phone with a boy while they watch Love Actually isn’t much of a date, but Haley would prefer that to Manny’s (Rico Rodriguez) plan, which was to put the moves on her. Especially trying to convince her that getting David jealous by showing Dylan still texts her is not what an independent woman should do. It’s not the Haley he knows.

Broderick, Mitch’s assistant, scheduled an appointment for him to interrupt their dinner, and Cam thinks he’s a dear. As in wanting to mount his head in his trophy room. And Cameron was right: Broderick was trying to sabotage the relationship. Because he was attracted to Cameron. Must have been Cam’s highly-inappropriate bicycle shorts. He even apologized to him at the office.

BRODERICK: Oh, did I validate you?

CAMERON: [big smile] Oh, yes.

Jay is upset because Gloria “was strapping on the feedbag at Ibiza,” but Jay was saved by an angel. A big, gay angel. The reservation Gloria found under Pritchett was actually Mitchell and Cameron’s. Gloria is absolutely livid, but she can’t be convinced to go into the house. Jay practically begs and pleads, but Gloria is his second wife who is tired of being treated like his first wife. Jay has no choice but to carry her into the house…where the musicians and chef weren’t. She storms out and opens the garage, because that’s where the chef and the musicians were. It turns out she knew what he was doing all along because he assumed she didn’t think he was romantic and that she wasn’t smart. But she won, especially when she gets him the red motorcycle.

JAY: Honey, you can’t win Valentine’s Day. It defeats the whole purpose if you turn it into some silly competition.

GLORIA: Shut up, I win.

At Ibiza, Cameron hints around that Broderick actually had a crush on him instead of Mitchell, who doesn’t believe it. And their romantic dinner goes downhill quickly, as Cam wants Mitch to call him and verify it. Or better yet, go over to Broderick’s house and ask him. However, Broderick texts Mitchell his resignation, saying he acted unprofessionally when he tried to sabotage their relationship. Mitch and Cam wise up and apologize to each other, each secure in the knowledge that Broderick had the crush on them.

Juliana’s and Clive’s date is on. After Clive spits out the appletini Juliana was having. Turns out, Clive does some covert work on occasion for the U.S. government. (“Oh, so you’re a NATIONAL man of mystery.”) Although we’re not certain what Julianna does for a living. (“Usually, I’m pretty good at catching things from women in bars.”) But Juliana is just a bored housewife with a dark secret. And the card she just gave him isn’t a gift card…or is it? And Phil takes the card…of the old woman who was sitting next to Claire. He goes up to the room (the room key was still in the envelope, in case you didn’t know how Phil figured out what room to enter). Claire calls him, and he gets ready on the bed with a bottle of champagne, a bouquet of flowers,…and that’s all. She’ll be right out. And she is…to an empty bed. She calls him back, and Clive tells her she’ll have to find him. Oops. They figure out they’re in the wrong rooms, as the the woman whose room Phil is really will tell him. They meet back at home, where Claire is ready to throw in the towel on the night, but Phil is not dissuaded, since they have their own bedroom to continue the evening. Except Manny has successfully convinced Haley to dump David for what he did, and suddenly there’s music in the background. In the street, actually. Dylan brought his entire band with him to perform. (“Imagine me naked! I imagine you nude!”)

CLAIRE: [in bed with Phil] Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that?

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Modern Family S02E12 Our Children Ourselves Recap, Quotes, Spoilers and Photos

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modern-family-quotes-spoilers-recap-s02e12-our-children-ourselvesOk, if you follow this site enough, you´d already know Phil Dunphy, Barney Stinson and the duo Shawn Spencer/Burton Guster are the ones that crack me the most. And Modern Family is no doubt one of the funniest sitcoms nowadays and given it enough time, it will be in the Hall of Fame of perennial funny shows. I have showed the best quotes from Phil Dunphy, and now a new episode called Our Children, Ourselves aired, when Claire and Phil want Alex to relax a little about her studies, but then they start questioning their own intellectual drives. Meanwhile, Gloria tries to befriend another nice couple, much to Jay’s chagrin, and Mitch and Cam run into and old female flame of Mitchell’s, only to make a disturbing discovery.

The same week that ABC renewed Modern Family for a third season, we get this hilarious new episode.

Best Quotes from Modern Family S02E12 – Our Children, Ourselves

Claire: It´s an obsesive compulsive disorder thing. I read tons about it. Where would she get it from?
Phil: Yes, it´s a mistery

Mitchell: Look at Lily with her little harmonica
Cam: I know. She looks like a Junior Junior Wells

Cam: Now listen honey. Stealing is wrong

Mitchell: This is Tracey
Cam: Tracy Tracy?

Mitchell: These are all characters from musicals. You are so gay you can´t even think of girls names

Mitchell: We should hang out
Tracy: No

Alex: Sondra Patel is not taking a break

Phil: This is my fault. She sees me achieve excellence and that puts a lot of pressure on you.
Claire: What about me, Phil?
Phil: Yes, right. I´m sorry. It puts pressure on both of you

Cam: You don´t just tell your partner you may have a child with someone else and expect him to go back to eat a delicious and inventive meal

Cam: Mitchell. I need to have my reaction

Gloria: Why did you talk to them like that?
Jay: What? I was being honest. They are boring as hell

Manny: I got your back Jay. Thirsty?

Phil: Claire and I share a true love of cheesy cinema. Our favourite categories include: Genetically engineered animals gone wrong.
Claire: Old and young people switching bodies
Phil: Tough guys taking care of babies

Phil: Why do I have to watch a French movie? I didn´t do anything wrong

Phil: Tell me one thing you liked from this movie
Claire: I liked the scene of the man on the beach
Phil: That was the trailer for a different movie
Claire: So he´s not coming back?
Phil: No, he´s not coming back, and neither am I

Tracy: This takes me back to prom night
Mitchell: Again. Sorry about that

Recap from Modern Family S02E12 – Our Children, Ourselves

Recap by MurphAndTheMagicTones

Phil (Ty Burrell) and Claire (Julie Bowen) are worried about the study-obsessed Alex (Ariel Winter), who does this weird thing with her jaw when she studies. Although Luke (Nolan Gould) can time it to throw a cherry in her mouth without her knowing it. But being study-obsessed isn’t as bad as Lily, who appears to be taking things from the stores as she passes by with Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet). They run into Tracy (Mary Lynn Rajskub), who dated Mitch in high school and had a drunken night together at their ten-year reunion. Apparently, Mitch played for both teams in high school, although Cam defends his own honor by claiming he took many a lady to the hen house (literally, he lived on a farm). Ladies like Nellie Forbush, Betty Rizzo, Eliza Dolittle, Kim McAfee (all girls from musicals, yes). Cam and Mitch suggested hanging out, and Tracy shoots that down in a hurry.

CAMERON: (to Lily, who stole sunglasses) You naughty little girl.

MITCHELL: Well, that’s what happens to me when you give me Kahlua.

Cam tells him not to worry about it, and Mitch is OK…until he sees Tracy taking care of a boy with serioiusly red hair, who was about eight years old. Which was about the time of his ten-year reunion. He tries to tell Cam, who naturally goes dramatic on him

Jay (Ed O’Neill) doesn’t want to meet the Hoffmans, a couple Gloria and he met on a vacation. But Gloria (Sofía Vergara) has to invite them to dinner because they were already there. Jay tries to play it honest, saying they’re very nice people but they shouldn’t pressure themselves into meeting all the time. Only the Hoffmans were staying at their place that night. Awkward! Gloria is upset with Jay for throwing her under the bus, and she has to go and apologize to them as they leave. Of course, they brought her a gift that she didn’t know about until now (a signed copy of a Gabriel Garcia Marquez book), and Gloria is overloaded with guilt. She begs them to stay and claims Jay’s mind is going in his old age.

Phil and Claire go for a study intervention, since Alex is obsessed with getting the best score in the class.

PHIL: This is my fault. You see me achieve excellence and it puts a lot of pressure on you.

They pull her away from her books against her will and put her on a trampoline. And she came in second. But the boy who beat her score has a doctor and a professor for parents, so Alex figures she can’t compete with that. But to be fair, her parents like CROCTOPUS! IN 3-D! Claire finally figures out Alex thinks they’re stupid.

PHIL: Well, she’s wrong.

CLAIRE: Is she? Honey, look how long it took us to figure out she insulted us.

In the morning, Jay decides to apologize to the Hoffmans. (I think that’s what happened. Gloria was wearing some hot lingerie and I couldn’t even remember my own name just then.) But Gloria realizes what she told the Hoffmans last night about Jay not being all there, so she has to stop him. However, she didn’t think to stop Manny (Rico Rodriguez), who was geting asked sympathetic questions by the Hoffmans about Jay’s deteriorating state. And since this is a sitcom, the Hoffmans think Manny’s comments about Jay’s golf game were about his mind. And Jay drinking orange juice from Manny’s dribble glass didn’t help matters. It scares the Hoffmans right out of the house.

Claire and Phil make it to the theatre, only to run into Sanjay Patel’s parents, who was the kid that out-dueled Alex on the test. Mr. Patel took some time off from selling Fiber One cereal to see what movie the Dunphys were going to see. Coincidentally, they’re seeing the same French film the Patels are. Claire figures they need to do this so they can encourage the kids intellectually.

CLAIRE: It’s two hours. It’s for the kids.

PHIL: Sometimes I hate our kids.

Phil bails on the French film, but Claire insists on sticking it out.

PHIL: While Claire watched one of the most highly-acclaimed films of the year, I sat through a badly-made schlock-fest with absolutely no redeeming value. And it was awesome! (take a guess who had more fun)

Phil tells Claire not to worry, since Alex still had one of the highest grades in the class, and dumb parents don’t have kids that smart. And helping Mr. Patel work the parking validation machine helped, too.

Cam and Mitchell go to Tracy to ask her about the person she was with at the mall. Mitchell wants to meet him, but Tracy thinks it’s a horrible idea because he didn’t call her 8 years ago and just left her. Mitchell was sorry but insisted on meeting Bobby. Tracy relented and called Bobby in. Bobby, who was apparently her new boyfriend, and about 3 1/2 feet tall. (Eric Stonestreet was right on his Twitter page. No way could you not laugh at that.) And the “Little Slugger” baseball mitt Mitchell brought didn’t go over so well.

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Modern Family S02E11 Slow Down Your Neighbors Recap, Quotes, Spoilers and Photos

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modern-family-quotes-spoilers-recap-s02e11-slow-down-your-neighborsOk, if you follow this site enough, you´d already know Phil Dunphy, Barney Stinson and the duo Shawn Spencer/Burton Guster are the ones that crack me the most. And Modern Family is no doubt one of the funniest sitcoms nowadays and given it enough time, it will be in the Hall of Fame of perennial funny shows. I have showed the best quotes from Phil Dunphy, and now a new episode called Slow Down Your Neighbors aired, when Claire becomes a determined neighborhood vigilante hoping to catch and stop a menacing car that speeds though their streets. Meanwhile, Phil is busy trying to land an important listing with a difficult client, Jay teaches Manny how to ride a bike — only to learn Gloria needs lessons too — and Mitchell and Cameron stumble upon a mysterious neighbor who is quite the charmer.

Best Quotes from Modern Family S02E11 – Slow down your neighbors

Cameron: Mitchell, there´s a stranger in our hot tub
Mitchell: Who is he?
Cameron: You do know what stranger means

Mitchell: I´m calling 911
Cameron: I´m getting my bat
Mitchell: Yeah, we are totally over reacting
Cameron: We should say hello
Mitchell: It´s only polite

Phil: She has to run every day or she goes crazy. She´s like a Border Collie
Claire: You are comparing me to a dog?
Phil: Well, one of the smartest dogs

Phil: Luke, I am your father

Jay: Don´t you know how to ride a bike?
Manny: I can ride this bike
Jay: Stephen Hawking can ride that bike

Mitchell: What part of Europe is he from? Pretentious Town?

Phil: Everybody loves Michael Jordan but nobody thinks of Scottie Pippen. The only reason I remember him is because he´s named after my favourite musical

Jay: We are riding bikes, we are not training police officers

Cameron: Are you living in our daughter´s princess house?

Phil: I´d love I could be one of those people who thrives living a double life. You know: Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Hannah Montana

Phil: Good luck staying mad, honey

Luke: Let me try dad. I´m a great teacher

Luke: Teacher of the year
Phil: She´s all yours buddy

Recap from Modern Family S02E11 – Slow down your neighbors

Recap by MurphAndTheMagicTones

Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) discover someone in their outdoor hot tub. They’re ready to call the police…until they see how hot he is. They join Barry (James Marsden) in the hot tub, who is an expert in Reiki massage, which is to transfer all the negative energy out of someone and leave in positive energy. Without touching them. Cameron loves it, and Mitchell thinks it’s bogus. Cam is not too happy with Mitch for writing off Barry for that one little quirk, as it is something Mitchell does all the time. Cam isn’t happy, but Mitchell tries to make nice with Barry, who is cool with Mitchell thinking Reiki is phony. Then Mitchell tries it himself and is hooked. Mitchell admits to Cameron he was right. They love the new friendship, until they find out Barry didn’t move into the apartment upstairs from them: the homeless Barry moved into Lily’s play castle in the back. Cameron goes to kick him out, but Barry has set up shop in Lily’s castle and refuses to go. And Mitchell will call 911 after Cameron admits he was right in the first place.

Claire (Julie Bowen) is very upset because a driver has been speeding through their block. She waits for the driver to pass by and gets a picture of the license plate. She puts up signs all over the neighborhood saying “Slow Down Your Neighbors.” Well, that’s what it looks like to everyone, but she put the plate in the middle, so it was supposed to be “Slow Down…Your Neighbors.” She insists Phil (Ty Burrell) help her put posters up all over the place, but Phil has a new client to meet who is very to-the-point and does everything very fast…including driving her car. Laura (Jami Gertz) even sees one of the posters up…the one Phil nailed up. She thinks this “crazy bored housewife” just needs to get laid. (Gee, Phil can take care of that, too. :-D )

Manny (Rico Rodriguez) wants to ride his bicycle to school, but Jay (Ed O’Neill) would like his bicycle to be a little more manly first. Perhaps the training wheels should come off. Manny never learned to ride a bike because Gloria (Sofía Vergara) never did. She was always afraid of being snatched from the bike. Jay decides to teach both of them. Manny picks it up in an instant, but Gloria, despite Jay’s reassurances it’s safe (“You’re like a work of art: if you get scratched, the value goes down.”), she crashes into some bushes. She blames his teaching techniques, naturally, and feels she could learn better from someone with a more feminine touch: Phil. However, Phil is busy playing both sides of the Claire/Laura fight, so Luke (Nolan Gould) offers to give her lessons. Luke tells her to take all of her fears of riding a bicycle and just shoot them away. And he does…by nailing Gloria with a water gun and forcing her to pedal away from it. It works great, until Claire all but knocks her off the bike so she can chase the speeding car. She misses the car, which was in a garage, but she does meet Phil’s new client, Laura. Claire’s too winded from chasing the car, so Laura offers to give her a ride. Laura tells her about this crazy person in the neighborhood, and Claire understands where she’s coming from. Of course, they’re talking about each other, and Claire gets taken for a joyride by the speeding Laura. And Phil has a lot of apologizing to do.

And perhaps Luke’s teaching methods have merit, as he uses the water gun to make Haley (Sarah Hyland) remember the Phoenicians invented the modern alphabet.

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Modern Family S02E10 Dance Dance Revelation Recap, Quotes and Photos

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modern-family-quotes-spoilers-recap-s02e10-dance-dance-revelationOk, if you follow this site enough, you´d already know Phil Dunphy, Barney Stinson and the duo Shawn Spencer/Burton Guster are the ones that crack me the most. And Modern Family is no doubt one of the funniest sitcoms nowadays and given it enough time, it will be in the Hall of Fame of perennial funny shows. I have showed the best quotes from Phil Dunphy, and now a new episode called Dance Dance Revelation aired, when It’s Luke & Manny’s first school dance and everyone gets in on the “fun” — Jay and Phil have to take the boys on a mall run which becomes quite stressful; and Claire revels in the school dance committee duties, but gets a little jealous when Gloria shows up to help. Meanwhile, Mitch and Cam are horrified to learn that Lily is biting other kids on the playground.

Best Quotes from Modern Family S02E10 Dance Dance Revelation

Luke: Is this Ok?
Claire: Oh hey, Luke has to go to the mall, too
Luke: What?
Claire: Phil!
Phil: Let´s go Incredible Hulk

Mitchell: Let´s play blame the gay dads game. You know who had straight parents? Adolf Hitler.
Cam: Charles Manson.
Mitchell: That´s ok.
Cam: Naomi Campbell

Jay: Do you have any lipstick in your purse?

Gus: One dance with me, you forget all about him
Claire: Yeah, I already have a husband who doesn´t fix lights. Please

Claire: I just said it
Gloria: And I co said it

Cam: She bit me. Ouch, she bit me again, it´s like Twilight back here

Phil: You can pay it forward. They don´t make movies about bad ideas

Cam: Great, I’ve got a daughter who bites and a partner who stings.

Cam: Don´t bite my head off, I´m not a pack of batteries

Phil: Luke needs socks
Luke: Make them teal
Manny: You are playing a dangerous game

Jay: You gotta stop taking these things personally. I´m like that with everybody

Claire: Who wears that to a kids dance?
Bethany: I know… she looks amazing

Gloria: Claire. I didn´t come here to steal your thunder. Your thunder is your thunder and my thunder is my thunder
Claire: I know, it´s just God gave you soooo much thunder

Phil: Hopefully you won´t raise a serial killer

Recap from Modern Family S02E10 Dance DAnce Revelation

Recap by Murphnadthemagictones

It’s a school dance for Luke (Nolan Gould) and Manny (Rico Rodriguez), but he’s upset he can’t find a teal pocket square for his suit. Gloria’s (Sofía Vergara) idea doesn’t work, because it’s turquoise…and her bra. Jay (Ed O’Neill) is desperate, but Claire (Julie Bowen) tells him to conference in with Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet). Cam would have one in every single color, but he loaned out his teal one. So Jay has a trip to the mall in the offing. As does Phil (Ty Burrell), judging by the suit Luke had…unless the Incredible Hulk look was en vogue again.

Respect is hard to come by in this family. Cameron and Mitchell find it impossible to believe Lily would ever bite another human being, until she does it twice to Cameron. (“It’s like Twilight back here!”) Gloria is supposed to co-chair the dance with Claire, but Claire has been running the dance since Haley was 12 and didn’t want to give up her authority. Jay still doesn’t respect Phil Dumbphy.

Which is how Jay says it…on purpose. But then, Luke didn’t know mannequins are built without their genitals, so you can sort of see Jay’s point. Manny is beside himself, since the tie Luke had matched the pattern for his pocket square. Manny wants him to put it back, and Luke isn’t backing down. But Phil is by letting another customer cut in front of Jay. And now Jay is beside himself.

Mitchell and Cameron try to figure out why Lily is biting. Neither is trying to blame the other, and both think that’s exactly what the other is doing.

CAMERON: Great, I’ve got a daughter who bites and a partner who stings.

Mitchell thinks it’s all that pretend biting Cameron does while taking care of Lily, and Cameron thinks it’s Mitchell using his teeth to carry/hold/open just about everything.

At the dance, Gloria comes up with a new arrangement for the tables, meaning Claire tripped over a box that was in the way. Claire wants to put it back to the way it was, but other people like Gloria’s idea, for which she happily takes credit. But Claire needs chairs from under the dusty, dirty stage.

She sends Gloria, only to have the janitor apologize for it being so dirty.

Nothing has changed at the mall, since the same jerk is still in front of Jay and Phil. As this is a sitcom and there isn’t another clerk in such a large store, Jay is getting upset with Phil and cracking jokes. Phil has had enough and bolts, leaving Luke and Manny with Jay. Jay spots the man who took their parking spot earlier and tells the boys he’s going to give the guy a piece of his mind. Except the guy never knew and his dog died that day. Phil is working on a volcano and decides to take it out on the guy spritzing people with cologne (which only happens in a sitcom, too). Phil grabs the cologne bottle and goes off on the poor guy with about a dozen good spritzes to the face, even chasing him around the store. Jay has to pick him up in the security office. Phil didn’t know why he snapped, but Jay felt guilty for goading him earlier. Jay’s father-in-law did the same thing to him, multiplied by about a thousand. But Jay didn’t want Phil to feel that way about him.

JAY: I can’t swear that my way is the smart way. I see you smiling, skipping around, and I think…I don’t know…maybe the boys would be better off if they were more like you.

PHIL: (pause) You know, skipping burns more calories than running…

JAY: We’re done here.

Mitchell looks on a website for answers. Cameron rejects the idea of a stranger yelling at Lily, since she probably already has flashbacks. (“She didn’t actually fight in Vietnam…”) Pepper in the mouth sounds just as bad. Cameron’s “People Aren’t Food” song won’t work, so Mitchell goes for the pepper.

Or seasoning, it doesn’t matter, because Cameron tries to force it down Mitchell’s throat to see if he likes it.

CAMERON: Ow! You bit me!

MITCHELL: Well why don’t you sing a song about it!

Claire makes it to the dance and sees the boys in their suits. Luke even wore cologne. (“Dad attacked the cologne guy and then hugged me.”) Claire thinks she was too petty about her competitve nature with Gloria…until she sees Gloria in one insanely hot dress and gets a drink spilled all over her. She goes postal when the janitor brings Gloria a paper towel to clean up but walks right past her. Gloria finally confronts her. Claire tells her she’s upset for Gloria coming in and taking what she used to do for years. It was her “thing.” She even was able to talk to Gus, the janitor where everyone else couldn’t. But Gloria had her reasons for volunteering, too. She caught the evil looks other mothers were giving her, thinking she’d steal their husbands away. She wanted to prove she was just one of them. Both admit they were being petty and unreasonable.

Although Claire stuffing her bra was a bit more sad.

PHIL: We like to think we’re so smart, that we have all the answers. And we want to pass that on to our children. But if you scratch beneath the surface, you won’t have to dig deep to find the kid you were, which is why it’s kind of crazy that we’re raising kids of our own. I guess that’s the real circle of life. Your parents faked their way through it. You fake your way through it. And you just hope you  didn’t raise a serial killer.

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