I was born and raised in Argentina, and for us there, a bidet is just as common as it comes. Every house has at least one if not more than one.
And my particular relationship with them is a close one. I´m not sure if it´s because I tend to do my own “Game of Thrones” thing by sitting in my bathroom on the throne and read until my legs go numb (after all, it is the most quiet place in the house); or if it is because the first word I ever read was the brand of my toilet. Not the word “mommy”, not the word “daddy”, my toilet brand. That sort of marked my upbringing.
So, the first time I came to the US, the cultural shock was close to zero, mainly because you see a lot in the movies and TV shows, and you almost feel like you know everything and everywhere… but shows and films do not portray the toilet experience in the US as it really is. And that´s where the culture clash went BOOM! on me.
There are no bidets. Almost nowhere can you find one. And that´s why both me and my bum were bummed (no pun intended).
I don´t clean myself with paper. I use paper to dry my hands after washing them, like a paper towel. If I´d rather take a shower than just rubbing myself with pieces of paper, why would my bum want to be treated differently, right?
So, I basically had a few options of adapting:
Option 1: Resigning. But seriously, who does that?
Option 2: Doing a Handstand in the shower and create an upside down DIY bidet like that. Problem is, tubs and bathroom floors are slippery like hell and you can end up with a bump in the head. Also, who can truly do a proper handstand under toilet circumstances?
Option 3: Do it Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man style and find a creative way to maintain toilet tradition. In his case he cursed as to get tickets and use that as paper and avoid the shells that are to be used in the future; and in my case, looking for a portable bum washer thingie. Enter Cottonelle. Moist wipes for your bum, so you wipe with paper, then moist wipe, then paper again. Voila! I can experience the US culture without traumatizing my buttocks.
In this video, you can also find how Cherry Healey talks with unsuspecting americans about their toilet routines.
And here, an Infographic about your bum
You can also continue the talking about your bum in Cottonelle´s Facebook page. So #LetsTalkBums!