two-and-a-half-men-season-premiere-quotes-spoilers-ashton-kutcher-walden-schmidtWell, after checking out the quotes and spoilers from How I Met Your Mother season seven premiere, and HIMYM The Naked Truth episode, we still get hung up on CBS, because the night featured something big, Two and a Half Men season nine premiere with Ashton Kutcher. As we all knew, Charlie Harper was dead, and Ashton Kutcher was playing Walden Schmidt, but that was more less the only things we knew.

After the death of Charlie Harper, an Internet Billionaire purchases Charlie’s beach house.

Best Quotes and Spoilers from Two and a Half Men S09E01 Nice to meet you Walden Schmidt – Ashton Kutcher debut

The episode opens with a casquet, Charlie Harper´s clothes, and the theme song Men, men, men in the melody of the death march and Alan speaking.

Alan: I know this is a sad day for all of us
Courtney: Speak for yourself

All Charlie´s girlfriends in the funeral

Mia: Blah, blah, blah, why can´t we see the body?
Courtney: Yeah, I didn´t come all this way to spit on a casquet

Rose: Charlie Harper was the love of my life and a wonderful wonderful man
Sherri (fake coughing): Selfish Pig
Rose: Sure, our relationship had its ups and downs, and the occasional restraining order.

Rose: Not even when I came home from shopping and found him in the shower with another woman. But I forgave him, because I loved him unconditionally, so you can imagine my horror when the very next day he slipped on the Metro platform and fell in front of an oncoming train.
Berta: You never cross a crazy woman
Rose: I just want you to know that Charlie didn´t suffer. His body exploded like a balloon full of meat

Evelyn: Don´t think those silent ones are fooling anyone

John Stamos: This is Charlie Harper´s place, isn´t it?
Evelyn: It was
John Stamos: Then I can´t buy it
Evelyn: What, why?
John Stamos: Bad memories. Charlie and I had this drunken threesome with a crazy chick right on this couch
Evelyn: That sounds like a god memory
John Stamos: Unfortunately she passed out and Charlie and I kept going without her, Bad Memory!

Dharma: Oh oh, sounds like someone needs to meditate
Greg: Oh oh, sounds like someone needs to file for divorce

Alan: Just like old times, I´m here talkin´ and you are in a bottle ignoring me

Alan: I know what you wanted, but I´m not sure Pamela Anderson will agree to swallow your ashes

Berta: I ain´t cleaning him up

Alan: Are you ok?
Walden Schmidt: Yeah, I´m ok, I was just trying to drown myself
Alan: You tried to commit suicide?
Walden Schmidt: Yeah, but I had no idea the water would be that cold. I suppose I could´ve used a wetsuit, but who commits suicide on a wetsuit, right?

Walden Schmidt: Do you got a wetsuit?
Alan: It can´t be that bad
Walden Schmidt: It can, you don´t know
Alan: I do. Come on, sit down. I have been where you are

Walden Schmidt: I´m worth 1.3 billion dollars, but I´ll give up every penny id she takes me back
Alan: No, no, no. You don´t want to do that

Walden Schmidt: Trust me. Money doesn´t buy happiness
Alan: Wouldn´t know. I never had either

Alan: Thatps my dead brother
Walden Schmidt: Oh, I´m sorry I made you spill him

Alan: He´s got a billion freakin dollars and he´s hung like an elephant

Walden Schmidt: I don´t like the taste of alcohol
Alan: Nobody likes the taste of alcohol. We like the effects of alcohol. How it makes you feel tall, good-looking and smart Walden Schmidt: I am tall, good-looking and smart

Alan: Don´t get this the wrong way, but I can´t get the image of your penis out of my mind
Walden Schmidt: Thank you, that´s very sweet

Walden Schmidt: Why did she leave you?
Alan: No clue. She´s a crazy bitch

Walden Schmidt: I´m Walden
Berta: I´m impressed

Walden Schmidt: Alan, guess what. I had sex with two ladies last night
Alan: Great, I masturbated and cried myself to sleep
Walden Schmidt: I like my night better

What do you think about Two and a Half Men S09E01 Nice to meet you Walden Schmidt Quotes? Will you keep watching the show? Did you watch Two and a Half Men with Ashton Kutcher? Let me know your thoughts in the comments section.

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