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Great mystery, good police show… of course we´re talking about CSI… this time CSI: Miami airing last night an all new episode called Dead on Arrival . And here are all the spoilers for it.
Complete Recap and Spoilers of CSI:Miami 7×22 Dead on Arrival
Sailboats. The beach. Beautiful women. Welcome to Miami. Cut to a clip from the TV show “The Marrying Kind,” in which 10 women compete for the heart of bachelor Neil Palmer. Two women Grace (a virgin) and Kaitlin (not a virgin) are the final two contestants. In the end, Neil chooses Grace. But there’s bad news. Her body rests in the back of a limo, bloody and battered.
The team arrives on the scene and meet cheesy host Myles Martini (seriously?). Myles explains that the crew was just shooting the season finale when the body was discovered. Why did this happen? “It happened because reality just become real,” Caine growls.
YEEE-OWWW! Cue opening credits! We don’t get fooled again! No! No!
Back from an interminable commercial break, Natalia and Eric search the limo. “You watch this show?” an incredulous Eric asks. “I guess I’m more of an ESPN watcher.” He then discovers that the cap to a crystal goblet is missing. Hmm. Back at headquarters, Calleigh interrogates the chauffer, Cody, who claims to have seen nothing. “You put Ms. Carlson in the back of your limousine and she was alive,” Calleigh quips. “And then you dropped her off and she was dead.” Cody admits to leaving the car unattended for 30 minutes or so. Turns out the production team called and said to delay delivering the girls because Neil wasn’t ready. “He disappeared or something,” Cody says. Calleigh seems intrigued.
Caine interviews Neil. “You disappeared and you have no alibi,” Caine growls. Neil explains that he got cold feet. “I just needed some space,” the reality star claims, talking about the pressures of filming for three-straight months. Caine isn’t convinced. Neil says he was initially skeptical about appearing on “The Marrying Kind,” but quickly learned that it has merit. “I fell in love with Grace for free,” he finishes.
Cut to the lab, where Tara examines bodies and surreptitiously pops a few pills. Kyle notices. Later, the boy confronts his boss, who explains that the pills are nothing but Aspirin. “I don’t need to explain myself to you,” Tara snaps. Ryan and Natalia, in the meantime, watch rough footage of the victim being filmed in the limo. She finishes her testimonial when the screen suddenly goes fuzzy. Same goes for the video feed in Kaitlin’s car, although this time the woman herself turns off the camera. “So both cameras go out before the murder,” Ryan says. “That can’t be a coincidence.” Ya think?
Caine and Natalia visit a nearby hotel where the losing contestants are kept until the finale airs. They meet Marisa Dixon, who isn’t at all upset to be on a free vacation. She points out Kaitlin Sawyer. “She won’t talk to anybody,” Marisa says. Except for a certain man in sunglasses, of course. Kaitlin claims not to have seen anything. “The reason that I hid from the camera is that I didn’t want anyone to see that I was crying,” she says. Kaitlin claims to have real feelings for Neil. Caine then notices a faded, but nonetheless nasty scar on the woman’s neck. She clearly has a “past.”
Calleigh and Eric check out the spot where the limos were briefly parked. They flirt (quite awkwardly) and then get down to CSI business. Calleigh discovers a wireless signal jamming device that has apparently been crushed under the limo’s wheels. Back the lab, Ryan discovers a print: Myles Martini. Seconds later, Myles is sitting in the hot seat. He quickly (and rather proudly) explains that he carries the signal jammer because there are some moments that don’t need to be recorded. For example, the many moments when Myles has sex with the contestants inside the limo. Calleigh is disgusted. “So I have a healthy sex drive,” Myles quips. “You going to throw me in jail for that?” Unfortunately, no.
Valera, in the meantime, has discovered that the victim had sex before she died. DNA points to none other than Neil Palmer. Valera doesn’t recognize Neil, however. She prefers old books to television. Says Ryan: “Old books are printed with lead-based ink, which makes them toxic. And they say television is hazardous to your health.” So there you have it, kids: Don’t read.
Before you can say “illiterate,” Neil is in the hot seat. “Evidence tells us you took a little romp in the hay with Ms. Carlson before she was murdered,” Frank says. Neil admits to having sex with the woman, but not hurting her. “Would you take a look at the people she DID fight with?” he says. Turns out another contestant went through Grace’s clothes and then shredded them. He reveals two names: Marisa Dixon and Erica Zabel.
So Calleigh and Eric confront Marisa and Erica. The latter contestant admits to shredding the clothes. “I was mad at her,” she cries. However, the woman denies ever physically assaulting Grace. Back at the lab, Natalia and Ryan watch footage from the show. They spot someone looking through the window at night. The man appears to be watching the women sleep. One facial-recognition test later, a name is revealed: convicted felon Russell Keener. “Creepy,” Natalia says. Indeed. The man looks like a creep.
Seconds later, Keener is in the hot seat. The man claims to have just wandered by one night. “Just took a little gander,” he says. Keener then goes on to taunt the CSIs for having any proof. Next in the hot seat: Marisa. Turns out she DID have a physical altercation with the victim — and it was all caught on tape.”Guess I did one hell of a job,” Marisa sneers. The woman claims the fight was staged. In a FLASHBACK, we see Myles directing the fight and telling the women to “stick to the script.” Marisa then says that most of the women on the show are actresses, but not Kaitlin. “Let’s just say she was always the bridesmaid,” Marisa quips.
Cut to Caine and Eric raiding Kaitlin’s hotel room. The woman is gone. Just then, Caine notices something on the carpet: a piece of bloody crystal. It’s the top to a goblet from the limo. “We found the murder weapon,” Eric says. Travers runs tests on the crystal and finds evidence of snake venom. A light goes on in Natalia’s brain — but no one elses. She calls Calleigh and urges her to bring Marisa back in for questioning.
“I made Neil an offer he couldn’t refuse,” Marisa explains to Natalia and Calleigh. In a FLASHBACK, we see Marisa telling Neil that she’ll only take $250,000 of the $1 million prize. “750k for you,” she says. “We’ll get divorced. No strings. What do you say?” Neil agreed. OK, fine. So the pair conspired to “fix” a reality show. But that doesn’t mean that Marisa killed Grace, right? Wrong. Natalia explains that she remembers an episode in which Marisa received a special treatment at a spa. That treatment involved snake-venom cream. Once again, kids, it pays to watch endless hours of television.
So why kill the poor woman? Marisa explains that Neil “went and fell in love” with Grace. The bachelor betrayed Marisa and their clandestine deal by kicking Marisa off the show. “I saw Neil look at Grace and I just knew,” she says. “He took something from me, so I wanted to take something from him.” Marisa stole the signal jammer, turned off the cameras and then killed Grace with the crystal. Case closed.
But not the episode. Why did Kaitlin run? Frank might have the answer. Turns out Kaitlin was attacked with a knife and nearly killed 15 years ago. The attacker? None other than Russell Keener. The man recently got out of prison and went looking for the now grown-up woman who put him away for 15 years. Ryan approaches Myles, asking for help. The host explains that each losing contestant is given a cell phone as a consolation prize. The gift has a hidden purpose, however. Each phone is equipped with a tracking device, so that the girls can’t “fly home” before the show is finished taping. Using the maybe-legal tracking device, Ryan locates Kaitlin.
Caine and Ryan follow the signal and find Keener standing by the side of a marina. “The little girl, she’s taking a nap,” the creepy stalker sneers. “This time she’s not waking up.” Keener explains that he was released from prison and saw Kaitlin on the TV. He recognized the very scar that he gave her (lesson: it’s OK to watch a lot of TV shows, just don’t appear on them). Caine searches for the scarred woman and finds her stuffed in a cooler filled with ice. Our favorite red-haired CSI comforts the shaking woman.
Reality, it would appear, just became real.
I wish CSI Vegas would come back!