Any show starring Mary Louise Parker is worth watching. And if that show is none other than Weeds, then it´s great TV.

Tonight on Season Premiere of Weeds, the all new episode. In a post filled with Weeds Spoilers.

Complete Recap and Spoilers of Weeds Season Premiere S05xE01 – Wonderful Wonderful

(Beginning moments after last season’s finale…) Cesar isn’t happy his boss Esteban is backing off the whole Nancy-must-die-for-her-betrayal plan. The sonogram of his young son has apparently changed the mind of the Mexican mayor/drug runner. Cesar decides no one can know they’re letting her off — he shoots the two witnesses in the room. Esteban tells Cesar to drive a freaked out Nancy home. Thinking this means “go shoot her in the desert” she volunteers to drive herself. He lets her go.

Dean and Isabelle play cards. He gets a call from his daughter Quinn’s boyfriend, demanding ransom for Celia. But he’s broke and she’s his ex, so he tells him to do what he needs to do. Quinn, not happy, gives her boyfriend a knee to the crotch. Nice family.

Nancy waits in the mall. She sees a spot of blood on her purse.

At the house, Silas lays out his land-buying plan to Andy and Doug. Doug shows off his rope burns from auto-erotic asphyxiation. Shane comes in with a haircut and an ear ring. They debate what to do with Nancy’s room if she doesn’t come back. She does.

In bed the next day, Nancy gets the ransom call for Celia. She explains they’re really not friends and hangs up.

Andy comes in with a plan. He thinks they should flee. “It’s the Mexican mafia, there’s no where to go,” she says. He suggests Copenhagen. And, he adds, “I love you.” She responds by telling him she’s pregnant. Andy leaves. Cesar calls, telling Nancy to be at an address at 2 p.m.

Shane and his groupies hang out in the library, where he sells weed. His English teacher comes by to cop. He has 22 papers to grade that night and they’re all on Anne Frank.

Sanjay talks to Agent Roy Till. Till gets a call from Mexico. It’s someone calling demanding ransom for Celia.

Silas looks into Doug’s growing-in-a national park plan. Doug gets the Celia ransom call. He hangs up. Andy sulks over Nancy. Doug wants in on the plan. Andy’s phone rings. Yes, he knows Celia. “So what, people die, every day?” Then he starts babbling about people dying and having babies, including women in their 40s. Silas asks who’s having a baby.

In captivity, Celia can’t believe no one will pay her ransom. She talks to Rudolfo, telling him he doesn’t have to put up with his daughter hurting him. Quinn interrupts as he’s saying it’s his fault for making her mad. She says if no one will pay they’ll kill her mom and sell her organs. She orders Rudolfo to go have sex with her. Kidnapper foreplay.

Nancy waits in a OB-GYN’s exam room. Esteban comes in with Cesar, speaking to the doctor in Spanish about what tests they can run on the baby. Nancy asks what’s going on. Esteban gives her some forms to sign. She resists and he asks everyone to leave. She suggests they go to her doctor. Instead, he lays her down on the table and puts her feet in the stirrups, saying instead they’ll see his doctor. When he leaves Nancy seems to realize what she’s gotten herself into. She lies on the table and cries.

Celia asks her daughter if maybe enough is enough. She offers to charge a week at the spa for the both of them. Quinn tells her mom what’s going to happen to her organs on the black market. She wants to be there when they cut out her mom’s heart just to make sure she has one. Celia whines about surviving cancer just to face this. Rudolfo points out they can’t sell Celia’s organs since she had radiation. Quinn attacks Celia, but Rudolfo fends her off and kicks her out.

Shane comes in when Silas and Doug are prepping for their camping/pot growing adventure and asks why Andy is baking tons of banana bread. Doug blurts out that Nancy is pregnant. Which is news to her son Shane.

Nancy comes home to the lovely smelling bread. “Well, I’ve been thinking,” Andy says, “Just because you’ve been a slutty irresponsible slutty slut and had unprotected sex with a Mexican gangster, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” She asks Andy to take Shane up to her sister’s. Shane walks in, not believing the news. She confirms it. “And you’re how old?” is his response. Silas asks when the abortion is. She’s having the baby. Andy says it’s the key to keeping her Mexican boyfriend from killing them all. Then she tells Shane he’s going to live with his aunt in Oakland. He expresses the sentiment “forget that” using stronger language. Shane and Silas start fighting. Nancy picks up a loaf of banana bread to break it up, but burns her hand and drops the loaf on the floor. Andy shouts at her: “You ruin everything you touch!”

A little while later, Silas ignores her as they leave to plant his clones in the forest. So do Shane and Andy as they leave for Oakland. Nancy is left alone.

Later, she drinks a coffee at an outdoor mall. Loud music starts blaring and people start dancing. Someone tells Nancy its a flash mob, done “’cause it’s cool.” She cracks up as people of all ages and types start dancing. Then the music stops and they walk away. And Nancy sees Cesar watching her.

Author: MollyWillow for IMDB