Psych-quotes-pop-references-season-fiveIf you ask me what´s the best show to laugh these days, the answer is simplyPsych, hands down. Several reasons for that assumption:

You can see what I am talking about in these special articles on Psych I did such as Shawn and Gus Nicknames, Psych Pop References from season 1, Psych Pop References from season 2, Psych Pop Reference from season 3, Psych Pop References in Season 4

Now it´s time for season five (I have so much that they do not fit in one article):

Complete list of Psych Pop References and Quotes in Season five – part one

Psych S05E01- Romeo and Juliet and Juliet:

Shawn: Mr. Chang, I’m the resident psychic here. My name is Shawn Spencer. This is my partner, Jonathan Jacob Jingly Smith.
Arthur Chang: You’re saying his name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?
Shawn: That’s correct, sir. We use to share the name. I changed mine because of all the people shouting when I went out.
Chief Vick: I don’t remember calling you, Mr. Spencer.
Shawn: Didn’t have to, Chief. This case called me.
Gus: It called collect.
Shawn: That’s right. Which was odd because I’m also on Twitter and the cases usually tweet me. Let’s be honest, Chief. Kidnapping is my thing. This case is tailor-made for a psychic.
Chief Vick: I guess it does make a little bit of sense.

Shawn: Alright, what the hell was that about?
Henry: It is my job to determine if we need a consultant and right now, I don’t see the need for one.
Shawn: You have had five opportunities to hire us. Now what is this really about?
Henry: Are you familiar with the term “persona non grata?”
Shawn: Why are we talking about food?
Henry: Shawn, there’s a reason they created the position I’m in. You burned a lot of bridges around here, you made a lot of sloppy mistakes. You’re gonna have to earn your way back. Things are gonna be different now.
Shawn: That is so unfair.
Henry: Is it?
Shawn: Yeah, my results speak for themselves. You just hold me to a different standard.
Henry: I – I do not.
Shawn: You buried my Easter eggs five feet underground.
Henry: And I left loose dirt to indicate a fresh dig.
Shawn: Yeah, under a camoflauge tarp covered with bricks and broken glass.
Henry: That was the give away! Oh pardon me for trying to challenge you.
Shawn: It took me three weeks to close the Egg Investigation. I was eight.
Henry: Yeah well just so you know, there’s still two eggs you haven’t found.
Shawn: You’re sick.

Lassiter: You are free to believe what you want.
Shawn: Please don’t say that to Gus. Now he’ll just tell you that Michael Jackson isn’t dead.
Gus: He learned how to fake his death from Lisa Marie.
Shawn: Which implies that Elvis is still alive.
Gus: Elvis died two years ago. Is there no end to your gullibility? I told you that two years ago. He was a cashier in the shoe shop, Shawn.

Shawn: Wait, before you go, one question. Who would counterfit a fifty cent piece? Hong Kong, nine seventy-eight dynasty.
Gus: Nineteen seventy-eight.
Shawn: Ooh, that makes so much more sense.
Lassiter: You can’t seriously tell me you think the Triads are involved in this.
Gus: Triads?
Shawn: Athletes.
Lassiter: Chinese gangs.
Shawn: Athletic gangs of Chinese men.
Lassiter: Very serious gangs.
Shawn: How do we speak with these Triads?
Lassiter: You don’t speak with them. They’re an underground society.
Shawn: You’re saying I need to make an appointment.
Lassiter: Spencer, look, there are different gangs within the Triad. What are we talking about? Are we talking about the Golden Triad? The Dragon Triad?
Shawn: Regular. I think we’re primarily interested in medium. Venti.
Gus: Venti is large.
Shawn: Well then not venti. We’ll speak with both gangs.
Lassiter: No. Spencer you will stay away from these people. They are legitimately dangerous and those two gangs have been on the verge of war for years. Now if you’ll excuse me, the free information train has left the station. You’ll just have to figure it all out for yourself.
Shawn: Please. Like we can’t do that.

Gus: We need information on counterfeiting Hong Kong coins.
Shawn: And Chinese mafia.
Gus: And we need you to explain the ending of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to us.
Ken: What? What, you think that ’cause I’m Asian, I’m supposed to know all this stuff? That’s borderline racist, man.
Shawn: Racist? No, I don’t think so. Inappropriate?
Gus: Yes.
Shawn: Insulting?
Gus: Sure.
Shawn: Stereotyping?
Gus: Sure.
Shawn: Not racist.
Gus: Maybe a little racist.
Shawn: Gus, please. Now, Ken? How many Triads do you know, and/or are you one of them?
Ken: Wow.
Gus: Okay, that definitely crossed the line.
Shawn: Just tell us what you know and we will get out of your parents’ house.

Shawn: I’ll be Thing 1; you be Thing 2

Shawn: You know how much I love Yao Ming, that´s gotta count for something.

Shawn: Excuse me, I’m here for a class.
Clerk: This class?
Shawn: Yeah, I believe it starts in…
Clerk: In five minutes.
Shawn: Right. Five minutes. Five minutes from now. See, I’m usually ten minutes early, so I’m already feeling behind.
Clerk: This class is for five to eight year olds.
Shawn: Yes. Yes it is. And, uh, that’s what I call, uh…
Gus: Discrimination.
Shawn: [points at the clerk triumphantly]
Clerk: Discrimination?
Gus: Yes, and ageism.
Clerk: Who are you?
Shawn: [gestures vacantly to buy himself time]
Gus: I’m his lawyer.
Shawn: That’s right!
Clerk: You brought a lawyer?
Shawn: I keep a lawyer on retainer at all times. There is so much injustice in the world that you practically can’t leave home without one, and apparently, today it paid off.
Clerk: Right! Okay, well I will see you in court then! Now…
Gus: Perfect. Now I need a statement from you, and as we plan to try this in both civil and criminal court, I’ll need the police here as well. Can I use your phone? Or do you only let the WHITE people use that?
Clerk: Who said anything about white people?
Gus: You just did.
Clerk: The words “white people” did not come out of my mouth.
Gus: There they are again. Luckily, I had my hand recorder on for that one. By the way, I am now disclosing that this conversation is being recorded.
Clerk: R-r-recorded? Okay, this is crazy!
Gus: Crazy? You wanna know crazy? I sued three hundred businesses last year alone. I sued a hot dog cart and got everything but the wheels and the buns, which I won in the civil case two months later. Now, if you don’t mind, before I start snapping evidence photos, I’m a little parched, so can you tell me which one of these fountains I’m ALLOWED to use?

Shawn: I get it, it´s Romeo and Juliet

Shawn: You know ‘Romeo + Juliet’? DiCaprio and Danes?

Shawn: I´m confused, because on the back of Yao Ming´s jersey, says Yao, not Ming.

Shawn: I have made it through all seven levels of ‘Shaq Fu’ on Nintendo

Shawn: David Bowie China Girl version

Shawn: One word: West Side Story
Gus: That´s three words

Gus: Crouching Tiger, Crouching Tiger!

Gus: Fist of Fury! Wushu Finger!

Psych S05E02 – Feet Don’t Kill Me Now:

Shawn: Nothing shuts my piehole but pie

Shawn: I´d be lying if I said I like asking my dad for case assignments, and I´d also be lying if I said Val Kilmer still looks like Val Kilmer.
Gus: I still have hope
Shawn: Me too

Shawn: KFC is giving away Double Downs

Shawn: We are a package Lassiter, you don´t get Jake The Snake Roberts without Damien The Python

Gus: It is on, like Prince´s Masquera

Lassiter: My name is Carlton Lassiter, this is my associate Burton Guster… what?
Gus: I am not used to being introduced with my real name

Shawn: I watched some Phineas and Ferb.

Shawn: I just want to beat Gus and Lassiter!
Juliet: And catch the killer?
Shawn: Yeah sure, if that’s what it takes.

Shawn: Gus, this are different times, it´s 2008
Gus: Shawn, it´s 2010.
Shawn: Heh. Nice try, Gus. That would mean we’re at war with the machines!

Shawn: Your negativity… is clogging up my psychic signals. Do you mind keeping [the incredibly flirty receptionist Tanya] busy while I attempt to unclog them?
Juliet: And how am I supposed to do that?
Shawn: Gus would turn into Smooth Gus and try to pick her up.
Juliet: I am not hitting on a girl!
Shawn: Why, does that scare you? Or does that not scare you…? And does that scare you?

Lassiter: Guster, you have to wake up to the real world: people have sex and kill each other. That’s the real world. Not some magical “feelings” place.

Juliet: Whoever said work was supposed to be fun?
Shawn: Ron Jeremy, for starters.

Gus: And now we revel, ‘Alien’-style,

Shawn: I´m not here to play Twist and Pull, not with a cold blooded killer

Shawn: Hey Lassie, I don´t think we have time to have the Savion Glover treatment

Psych S05E03 – Not Even Close… Encounters:

The episode title references Close Encounters

Shawn: We will need a Speak & Spell and seven pounds of mashed potatoes

Roy: What are you guys, UFO chasers?
Shawn: Nothing as ridiculous as that. We’re psychic detectives.

Henry: You wanted to believe that were aliens who abducted Joe Piscopo

Shawn: The 1200 dollars balance on your JC Penney card will not pay itself

Shawn: You were a class 3 Dungeon master with your own set of customed 12 side dice

Shawn:Dude, you have a replica of Captain Adama’s helmet from the original Battlestar Galactica
Gus: And Levar Burton glasses from Star Trek

Dennis: It´s hard trying to draw blanks during ‘Jeopardy!

Dennis: The worst is when I’m around Molly’s fiends’ husbands. I have to say inane stuff like, ‘Beer me,’ or ‘Yeah, I’d totally hit that.’ What exactly am I hitting?
Gus: Most likely an attractive lady.
Dennis: Okay, that’s horrible.
Shawn: Is it really worth it, Den?
Dennis: Have you seen my wife?

Shawn: Oh my God, I look like KD Lang

Shawn: Do you think that picture of me on the news mean I should be singing Constant Craving?

Henry: Do you know who think it was done on purpose?
Shawn: Erin Brockovich
Henry: Roy Kessler

Shawn: The only thing that we were blinded with was…
Gus: Science!
Shawn: Never gets old.
Gus: Nope.

Shawn: It was a plane on the radar, someone cranking Yanni on the recorder

Shawn: Are you mocking my ‘It’s a clue’ face?
Gus: Yep.
Shawn: Do it again.
Gus: -makes the face again…
Shawn: I don’t look like that.
Gus: Yes, you do.
Shawn: You’re a bastard.

Gus does a Matrix move to avoid Shawn flicking his ears

Shawn: Why would I ask a guy with a custom-made Ewok costume

Shawn: This helmet is not made for running. I should have borrowed Charlton Heston´s scarf from Soylent Green

Shawn: Who is following you?
Toby: I think it´s the black guy from Star Trek and a white guy with a ridiculous helmet
Shawn: Which is your opinion

Lassiter: Don´t tell me. You think the Loch Ness Monster did it

Shawn: Thanks, Woody. You stay creepy.
Woody: You know I will.

Lassiter: People that has wronged me within the years, like your son, my mother, Olympia freaking Dukakis

Dennis: I’m not sure how comfortable I am hacking a poice computer.
Shawn: Relax. It’s his personal one. Which reminds me, check the Internet search history.
Dennis: Alright. Let’s see. And… That’s gross.
Gus: That man needs Jesus.

Gus: He’s right. It’s time for you to come out of the nerd closet.
Dennis: I’m sorry, guys, I just can’t. I really like having sex with my wife.

Shawn: What is the world´s coolest truck doing here?
Gus: Looks like a Decepticon, Shawn
Shawn: It´s not a Decepticon, Gus

Shawn: [Shaking his body like a bobblehead] Gus, I feel like a bobblehead.
Gus: You look like an idiot.
Shawn: Come on. Try it.
Gus: I’m not doing that.
Shawn: Get in on it.
Gus: I don’t want to.
Shawn: It’s fun!
Gus: Fine. -does it…
Shawn: Dude, you look ridiculous.

Shawn: Once upon a time there was this greedy CEO, think Stephen Lang?
Gus: Esque

Shawn: It’s okay, Dennis. You looked like a badass before you clocked yourself in the face.

Henry: Season tickets for the Los Angeles Sparks from the WNBA? Are you guys serious about this stuff?
Shawn: As a Rebecca Lobo set shot

Henry: Oh my God Shawn, you look like Billie Jean King

Molly: Did you know I watched every single episode of the original Battlestar Galactica like 50 times?

Dennis: I wasn´t at a business conference. I was at Comic Con

Psych S05E04 – Chivalry Is Not Dead … But Someone Is:

Lassiter: You wanna take the creepy old ladies or the Ken Dolls?
Jules: The Ken Dolls

Lassiter: Come on chief, let me run with this one.
Henry: [seated in a corner] What if we let them work together? Separately, but together?
Shawn: [pointing at Henry] That lonely bald guy in the corner makes no sense.
Gus: Am I the only person that’s freaked out he’s been sitting there the whole time?

Shawn: In order to get into the mindset of the victim, I rented ‘American Gigolo’ last night.

Shawn: What is this?! ‘Fight Club’ for butlers?

Lassiter: Miss Tucker, are you trying to seduce me?

Shawn: [while wearing a scruffy beard prop, a cap, and a trench coat] Unlike some detectives, when Gus and i show up for a stakeout, we try to blend in with the regular people.
Jules: Who’s Gus supposed to be?
Gus: I’m a regular guy in a car, I blend in fine.
Lassiter: Well at least one finally realized who the real suspect is.
Shawn: Guess someone did.
[the four spot Gillian going into the building. She stops and looks behind her, suspicious-like]
Gus: Wait, he thinks we’re tailing her?
Shawn: shhh.
Lassiter: She’s obviously meeting her new boy-toy. Maybe one even younger than the last.
Gus: younger? Who does he think she’s meeting with? Justin Beiber?

Shawn: He is Santa Barbara’s biggest dirty rotten scoundrel

Shawn: Look Gus, he’s literally taking her to the bank.
Gus: What’s next, the cleaners?

Prescott: What are you doing here?
Shawn: I’m here to see my money. They keep it in a special room in the back, with a trampoline. I’m gonna roll around in it for a while, maybe make it rain sort of like that scene from Indecent Proposal except no sex. Maybe Sex.

Gus, don’t be George Hamilton’s reaction when Ashley came to him and said, “Dad, I think I’ll become an actor, too.”

Shawn: This is a little bit awkward, but only because I´m not used to wearing earrings. I mean, I used to, but that was back in the day, three of them, but that was because of Tears for Fears

Shawn: Take him out
Gus: What?
Shawn: Sweep his leg
Gus: I´m not going to sweep his leg
Shawn: Why wouldn´t you ever sweep a leg?

Shawn: I saw all of the ‘Emmanuelle’ movies, including the one where she changes races; I have plenty of insight into the female psyche

Shawn: One more, Chandler Bing style: “Oh My God!”

Psych S05E05 – Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing):

Shawn: Look, we only came over to get a closer look at the ride because I used to have one just like it. Gus and I built it from scratch in auto shop.
Lassiter: Spencer, you don’t want this case.
Shawn: But I do.
Lassiter: But you can’t have it.
Shawn: Oh, but I will.
Lassiter: Stop it.
Shawn: Look, Lassie, I know we’ve had kerfuffles in the past. But to be honest this has all the makings of a Psych special. Fast cars.
Gus: Fast women.
Shawn: Fast food.
Gus: Murder.
Shawn: That too.

Shawn: Watch for the flash, Gus. As soon as Lassie hits eighty-eight, he goes back in time. And this time he does not go to the prom with his sister.
Gus: It was his mother and they went to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.
Shawn: It was a throwaway. So we could make an entrance.
Gus: But you got it wrong.

Shawn: Yeah, what Chocolate Einstein just said

Lassiter: What do you two know about street racing anyway?
Shawn: Only what we learned from The Fast and The Furious. So… everything.

Jules: We have work to do Mr Bond.

Shawn: What? Seriously. Dude! Do that again. I’ve been trying to come up with an entrance bit like that since I accidentally threw Gus’ wallet into a fireplace.
Gus: I knew a squirrel didn’t swipe it off a windowsill.
Shawn: There was a squirrel outside and it was eyeing your wallet.
Gus: You lying bastard.

Tommy Nix: Clearly these guys are insane. They’re just looking to have some fun.
Shawn: I race hard. You race hard. You’re an awesome key-flipper. I can play Sowing the Seeds of Love on the recorder. He has that head. Now we all know each other. Why don’t you tell us where the next race is.
Tommy: What’s your name?
Shawn: Shawn.
Tommy: There’s an old saying, Shawn. If you need to ask, then you don’t belong there.
Shawn: I knew that.
Stig: Then why’d you ask?
Shawn: Well if you must know, it’s a rhetorical question. Like “Where’s Waldo.” Or “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”
Tommy: If you find the race, I’ll be happy to see you guys.

Gus: Everybody else’s hood stays up by itself. How long do I have to do this?
Shawn: Gus, we have to feature the engine. We have to show it people. This is what they do. Sit tight, I’m gonna get my Paul Walker on.

Manny: You know what we do with little guys who come around here asking bitch ass questions?
Shawn: I’m guessing he doesn’t break into song.
No, we kick their bitch asses.

Shawn: Side note: that guy would have killed me.
Tommy: Yeah. Quickly and quietly.
Shawn: And my body turns up in a ditch somewhere.
Tommy: They would have never found your body.
Shawn: No body.
Tommy: And yet, you didn’t back down.
Shawn: Well you know, I don’t like to um…
Tommy: Think ahead?
Shawn: Yes!

Shawn: You’re awesome. You have a great crew. {to Stig} You look like Flea.

Shawn: I think I can beat this guy.
Gus: Are you insane?
Shawn: I have a secret weapon! {pops open a compartment} What!
Gus: Nitrous? You are insane.
Shawn: You wouldn’t believe how easy that thing was to install.
Gus: No, Shawn. It’s incredibly complicated. Did you retool the front end?
Shawn: Nope.
Gus: Did you adjust the intake?
Shawn: What’s an intake?

Shawn: We did it!
Gus: He beat us, Shawn.
Shawn: By so much less than I thought he would!

Tommy: That’s some of the craziest stuff I’ve seen in a long time. You know you dudes got a lot of balls.
Shawn: Four, actually. And one phantom one I call Rigby.
Gina: Or your asses are just lucky.

Shawn: All right, guess I should start at the beginning. It was 1976, Fernando was top of the charts, George the peanut farmer was the leader of the free world.

Shawn: Punch me in the face!
Lassiter: What?
Shawn: You’re going to blow my cover, now punch me in the face!
Lassiter: I’m not going to punch you in face!
Shawn: Ronald Reagan was a terrible president.
Lassiter punching him in the face: You son-of-a-bitch!

Shawn: I think this car people is rubbing up on me, Gus. I´m duly Fast and Furious. I´m living life a quarter mile at a time
Gus: Will you get over this and stop talking like a movie poster?

Shawn: Gus, don´t be the second drummer in 38 special

Gus: These guys are like the mafia and Tommy’s like a street-racing Don Corleone

Shawn: Why is everyone suddenly breaking down this case but me?
Gus: Because you won’t. And worst still, you broke the first rule of undercover work: you got too close. You’ve gone all Point Break.

Gus: Is it Johnny Utah?
Shawn: Don´t you dare use that name as a slur!

Tommy: You have the Kamikaze, I can smell it
Shawn: It´s not the Kamikaze, it´s the CK One, and it´s for Men and Women

Shawn: It´s Point Break
Jules: I´ve never saw it. I saw Fast Break
Shawn: Fast Break? With Gabe Kaplan?

Psych S05E06 – Viagra Falls:

Shawn: Who are the old guys?
Henry: Boone and Peters. Veterans of the SBPD. Worked under Herb for many many years. Volunteers these days. These guys are legends.
Shawn: So are leprechauns but you don’t see them rolling out crime tape.

Shawn: I’m having a clear vision on a cloudy day! Herb Wilkins did not—
Don Peters (William Devane): Kill himself.
Shawn: Thank you. Mr. Peters, is it? If it’s all right with you I’d like to continue. My name is Shawn Spencer. I am the psychic detective for the—
Floyd Boone (Carl Weathers): Psychic? Son. We don’t mess with the Devil. Now you better ride that goat with someone else.
Shawn: The Devil? Really?

Shawn: Sir, I am doing my best to respect your legacy and your wisdom, the many World and Civil wars that you’ve both seen and perhaps fought in.

Shawn: He was killed at another location, TBS.
Gus: It’s TBD, Shawn.
Shawn: What’s TBS?
Gus: The Super Station.
Shawn: Is it really though?

Peters: This was not his gun, Ricky Nelson

Lassiter: You know, I’ve never named my gun. How about Mr. Thunderstick?

Shawn: So once upon a time they were good cops. I have a gift, Gus. And you have me. Besides, we’re both young. And viral.
Gus: It’s virile, Shawn.
Shawn: The point is, it’s a couple of old tortoises versus two young swift hares.
Gus: The tortoise won the race.
Shawn: Only because he was tired.
Gus: That makes no sense, Shawn.

Shawn: We should talk about why Meshach Taylor came back for ‘Mannequin II’ when everyone else said ‘no

Peters: Stay in the background. I’ll try not to embarrass you this time.
Shawn: I can embarrass myself just fine on my own.
Peters: You got that right, Rick.

Shawn: Mr. Peters, sir, is there something about me that rubs you the wrong way? Perhaps my strong hairline. Or muscular haunches?
Peters: You and your sidekick are untrained pests. Floyd and I have very little patience with your malarkey, shenanigans or tomfoolery.
Shawn: The big three.

Boone: You looking for a handout?
Gus: I’m just being cordial.
Boone: You’re eyeballing my watch.
Gus: It’s a Casio.
Boone: You just proved my point, slick fingers.

Shawn: We should avoid Boone and Peters until we have something juicy.
Gus: And then throw our something juicy in their faces.
Shawn: Rotten peaches.
Gus: What! Where are we going to get peaches?
Shawn: Mmmmm. But I really like that idea.
Gus: Me too. But I think we should get fresh peaches and eat them instead.
Shawn: Right in front of them.

Gus: Should we step in?
Shawn: It’s just a little tiff, Gus. Besides, there are no bullets in that gun.
Gus: How sure are you?
Shawn: One in six chance.
Gus: Those are the exact odds, Shawn.

Peters: Well. The palm reader. And that guy who looks like a young LaWanda Page decided to join us.
Gus: LaWanda Page? From Sanford and Son?
Boone: Damn right. Without that hair cut you look just like her.
Shawn: You do have a little LaWanda in the eyes.
Gus: Shut up, Shawn.

Shawn: I’m not a palm reader, I’m a psychic.
Boone: What you are is 172 pounds of we don’t give a damn.

Shawn: Just to clarify, Gus is the only one who pussy foots, and that´s because, in his defense he has two bummed knees and an Achilles heel
Gus: Two Achilles heels

Shawn: Would you take your bifocals off Tom Landry?

Shawn: Please tell me we don’t look like that when we do our thing.
Gus: That’s exactly how we look.
Shawn: Can we be heard that clearly when we turn around and whisper?
Gus: I sure hope not.
Shawn: Did he just throw a loafer at me!
Gus: It was a Magnanni slip-on.
Shawn: What?
Gus: What? I know my loafers, Shawn. And I won’t apologize for it.

Shawn: Please tell me we don’t look like that when we do our thing.
Gus: That’s exactly how we look.

Boone: Oh, go ahead be proud, you can crack locks and steal things, typical
Gus: For your information, I used to have an online subscription to Safe Cracking Magazine.
Boone: Hey, Hey, Hey, You’re disappointing me son.

Henry: These drugs are still just circumstantial.
Chief Vick: Agreed. But this is starting to paint a worrisome picture.
Juliet: I just got a confirmation that Herb withdrew fifty thousand dollars from his savings account three days ago in cash.
Lassiter: Presumably to buy this surplus of nose candy.
Juliet: Evidence points to a drug hit.
Chief Vick: This is bad. This is really bad.

Shawn: Gus and I never know when to throw in the towel.
Gus: We’re always ready for the next round.
Shawn: Ring the bell.
Gus: Ding, ding.

Shawn: We don’t care what Herb was up to. Put our differences aside and work together on this, okay? Between the four of us we’ve got what? Over three hundred years of crime fighting under our belts. What do you say? We’re the apples, you’re the oranges.
Peters: We’ve gotta be the same fruit!
Shawn: How about grapples?
Boone: I do love a good grapple, Don.
Peters: Okay, it’s a deal. We’re the grapples.

Shawn: Dude, that guy looks like a Billy Zane action figure

Peters: How did you know she was lying?
Shawn: I’m a psychic, Peters.
Gus: How did you know she was lying?
Boones and Peters: [in unison] She’s a woman.

Shawn: What’s the plan?
Peters: Well. We could sneak through a window and start a grease fire in the bathroom.
Boone: Do it Shawn and Gus style.
Gus: We could.
Shawn: What was the Bark and Mark again?

Shawn: Take Gus! He can pass for Omar Epps in restaurants.
Gus: Take Shawn! Trust me, you’ll feel better about yourself in comparison.

Shawn: Man. Think we’ll still be able to knock dudes out when we’re in our sixties?
Gus: We can’t knock dudes out now.
Shawn: I hear that.

Boone: I’d be honored to take you in, Gus, if you got no parents.
Gus: That’s… very kind of you, Boone. But I do have parents. And I’m in my thirties so… I think I’m good.

Psych S05E07 – Ferry Tale:

Young Shawn: Alright, Gus. We trained long and hard. Hours of practice after school, all those Joe Piscopo-endorsed protein shakes. But it’ll all be worth it if we win that Mongoose BMX bike at the Police Department Picnic.

Young Gus: Wait. How did we decide who gets the bike?
Young Shawn: A good question. Ah. We could do eeny meeny miney mo.
Young Gus: Don’t insult my intelligence. We can do rock paper scissors.

Shawn: Dude, if you had told me we were boarding a ferry to Channel Islands to do an environmental clean up, obviously I would said no.
Gus: That’s exactly what I told you.
Shawn: And what did I say?
Gus: You said no.
Shawn: Then why am I here?
Gus: Because you’re easily distracted.

Gus: Shawn, this is Dan Carter and his brother Carl.
D.C.: Hola, Shawn. You can call me D.C.
C.C.: And me C.C.
Shawn: No, ho. Ha, ha. Well, that’s cute. In order to reduce carbon emissions you guys ask people not to use your first names. Gus: Shawn! You have to forgive my friend Shawn. He’s not very environmentally conscious.
D.C.: It’s OK, Gus. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Shawn: Before you go Black Al Gore, you should know that your seasickness patch fell off.
Okay, first of all Black Al Gore was your Halloween costume, not mine. And secondly, my seasickness patch is right here.

Gus: If the prison guard is here there where are the convicts?
Shawn: Gus, this is a prison break.

Gus: Wait. Where is your gun?
Craig: Oh. They probably turned it in for some books at the local community center. Where you think it’s at, man?

Gus: We need to call the police.
Shawn: That’s the sixth time you’ve said that today and this time I actually agree with you.

Shawn: Dad, listen up and listen carefully. Gus and I are on some ferry with some ridiculous environmental clean-up.
Gus: Do not editorialize, Shawn!

Henry: Shawn, the worst thing you can do in these situations is take matters into your own hands.
Shawn: Got it. {he hangs up} We’re going to have to take matters into our own hands.
Gus: Are you sure that’s what your dad said?
Shawn: Gus, don’t be the one game at Chuck E. Cheese that isn’t broken. By the time the police arrive these prisoners will be halfway from here to the Pacific Ocean.
Gus: Halfway from here to the Pacific Ocean is the Pacific Ocean, Shawn.

Craig: I just assumed y’all were just a couple of punkass friends from grade school that liked to get theyself in different situations and then riff off things at other people’s expense, you know?

Craig: Have you seen Friday?
Shawn: Kidding? Mamma! Mamma!

Shawn: Hey. If I’m gonna die, you better be right behind me. Or I will haunt your kitchen cabinets ’til the day you die.

Shawn: Hey dude.
Sanders: What?!
Shawn: Why don’t you let the women and children… and men go.

Shawn: We gotta do something to let them know they can trust us. Gus, give him the nod!
Gus: Shawn, the nod only works when it’s me giving it to a brother behind the counter at Jamba Juice, not to an armed convict!

Shawn: That’s it. They’re starting to break. This is my chance to convince them to let us go.
Craig: Alright, now listen. You gotta come at these guys hard if you want them to respect you. No silliness or random movie references.
Shawn: This is just like Collateral. Except I’m Jamie Foxx and you’re Tom Cruise. You look Cruise.
Craig: You finished?
Shawn: Oh yeah. I’m done.
Craig: You sure? You sure? ‘Cause if you’re not…
Shawn: No, I’m done. I promise.
Craig: No, ’cause you seem to think I ain’t got nothing else better to do with my time.

Craig: Okay, one way for you to come off hard, take the last thing they said and then repeat it back to them. You know, like an angry question.
Shawn: That doesn’t make any sense.
Craig: That doesn’t make any sense?!
Shawn: I stand corrected.
Craig: Oh, you stand corrected?!
Shawn: I got it.
Craig: Are you sure?
Shawn: Yeah yeah.
Craig: You sure? Because it’s subtle, how it works.
Shawn: It’s not subtle. I got it.

Juliet: Chief, we have to listen to them. Two of our own are on board.
Lassiter: Well, one-and-a-half at best.
Henry: Still not helpful!

Sanders: Go!
C.C.: Oh, please, come on, man!
Sanders: Shut up!
D.C.: I voted for Obama!
Sanders: Shut up!
D.C.: Come on! Just take Carl!
Sanders: Go, go, go!
D.C.: We’re environmentalists!

Shawn: Lassie, the more I know you, the more I am convinced that you are The Penguin.

Craig: Now, let us go forth and kick much ass. Craig 1:1

Northcutt puts down the gun
Shawn: Gus, it worked. It’s a miracle.
Gus: No, Shawn, it’s not.
Craig armed: I’ll take that.
Shawn: Craig.

Craig: Yeah, probably not a good idea to taunt violent criminals, fellahs.

Gus: The important thing is that, in the end, you made the right choice.
Shawn: Sounds like the wrap-up to a Scooby-Doo movie.
Gus: I know.

Shawn: Hercules, Hercules, Hercules

Psych S05E08 – Shawn 2.0:

Henry: Winners don’t need spots. You know what they need?
Young Gus: Steroids!
Henry: Nobody’s using that stuff, Gus. That’s just a rumor. I’ll tell you what they need, Shawn. They need a belief that they can be victorious no matter how tough the challenge. Now. {he tosses him the ball} Start believing. {Shawn goes for the shot and Henry bats it away}. Get that weak ass crap outta my face. This is my house!
Young Gus: Technically it’s the bank’s.

Shawn: You’re one to talk, Mr. I Bought Win a Date with Tad Hamilton on DVD.
Gus: There were fifteen deleted scenes, Shawn. Fifteen.

Gus: You said you were going into the office last night to catch up on work.
Shawn: Which I did. Then I saw those beers in the fridge.
Gus: Our fridge doesn’t work.
Shawn: Yes, but 7-11’s does.

Shawn: I’ll take a baked good that I will be choosing momentarily and a latte that your fine establishment will be paying for once I nail the trivia question that you put on that board, just like I do every morning.
Mynka: Oh, except this one.
Shawn: I’m afraid your confidence reeks falser than your boyfriend’s ID. Which, FYI, I saw taped to the counter at 7-11.

Shawn: How many times is the F-Bomb used in ‘The Usual Suspects’?

Minka: No Googling
Shawn: Don´t insult my intelligence

Shawn: Ninety-seven!
Declan Rand: I actually believe it’s ninety-eight. Fenster dropped one after that line-up scene. Often gets mistaken for the word “gug.” Which isn’t even a word. But let’s be honest, it should be.
Shawn to Gus: What’s happening right here?
Minka: He’s right. It’s ninety-eight.

Shawn: Who the gug is that guy?

Shawn: Alright, who are you? And why do you keep stealing my moments?
Declan Rand: I’m sorry. I’m Declan Rand, criminal profiler.
Lassiter: Right. Chief Vick said you’d be dropping by. I’m Detective Carlton Lassiter, my partner Juliet O’Hara and… {indicates Shawn} eh.
Shawn: “Criminal profiler.” Sounds like one of those job titles that only exists in cheesy TV shows.
Declan Rand: No argument here. What is it that you do?
Shawn: I’m a psychic detective.

Shawn: I was wondering if you’d like to be my date to a friend’s wedding on Saturday.
Juliet: Are you asking me out next to a dead person?
Gus: Told you!
Shawn: Yes. But I thought it would be okay since it doesn’t really smell.

Shawn: I really don’t like the cut of that guy’s jib, Gus. Something about him, what is it?
Gus: Let’s see. Smart. Knowledgeable of film. A crime-solving machine. He’s Shawn 2.0.

Shawn: Heyyy, Jooles.
Juliet: Why are you talking like that?
Gus: Sometimes he over-enunciates when he gets uncomfortable.
Shawn: I do not.

Chief Vick: All precinct resources will be made available to you including outside consultants.
Henry: Specifically we’ll be bringing in Psych because of their experience working with serial killers.
Shawn: We help them write and produce one-act plays on the weekend.
Gus: They’re usually very dark.

Shawn: I know who it is
Declan: Who?
Shawn: Alicia Silverstone. By the way Declan, her first role was in the movie The Crush
Declan: Actually, that was her second role. She first did an uncredited appearance on The Wonder Years
Shawn: N… She did… He´s right

Declan: You’re highly intelligent, but you’re shameful of that fact so you play it down with the use of inappropriate behavior. And you live in fear of showing weakness so you hide behind a constant barrage of jokes and sarcasm.
Shawn: I agree. Not. said the liar.
Declan: I’m not sure those two go together. “Said the liar” cancels “not” out.
Shawn: So’s your face.

Lassiter: Well done, Declan.
Shawn: “Well done Declan”? Since when do you use first names?
Lassiter: We need to track this girl down.
Shawn: Hey! I’m the one who came up with the list thing.
Declan: Good work, Shawn.
Shawn: Shut up, Declan.

Shawn: Tried to make some joe but our coffee maker’s busted.
Gus: We don’t have a coffee maker.
Shawn: Then what was I fiddling with for the last half-hour?

Gus: My humidifier looks nothing like a coffee maker!
Shawn: I’ll buy you a new one.

Gus: Nono of those stupid expressions are coming back
Shawn: That´s what you said about Hammer Pants
Gus: Which never came back
Shawn: Then Why did I buy three pairs?
Gus: Because you are an idiot
Shawn: Because it´s Hammertime!
Gus: It’s never Hammer Time, Shawn.

Declan: Are you sure we don’t want to ask her more questions? She was a precise match to my profile.
Lassiter: Your profile can kiss my big round white dumper, Declan. I do not enjoy pointing my gun at innocent women!
Juliet: You don’t?
Lassiter: No. I’m not twenty-nine anymore.

Shawn: On the outside he may seem nice, warm and look like the coach from ‘White Shadow.

Chief Vick: That was good work, Declan.
Declan: Thank you. Thank you, Chief.
Juliet: Yes, good work, Declan. We never should have doubted you.
Shawn: Gug.

Gus: What you got?
Shawn: Three things. One: I’m not the only closet chick lit lover around here. Two: Declan is a complete fraud. And, H: He may just be our murderer.

Shawn: There is no record of Declan going there.
Gus: So the guy lied on his resume. If that makes someone a killer then you’re Ted Bundy.
Shawn: Look, Gus, this isn’t about me. Or the fact that I wasn’t really a background dancer in the Thriller video.

Gus: That painting kinda makes you look like John Stamos

Shawn: Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me!
Declan: Yes?
Shawn: Why is there a man who looks exactly like Kurt Smith from Tears for Fears playing an acoustic set next to that tree and your swimming pool?
Declan: I’m sorry, I should have introduced you. Kurt, meet Shawn and Gus.
Kurt Smith: Afternoon, gentlemen.
Shawn: Oh dear God. It’s you. The real you. The fleshy you. I love you. Do you have any idea how much I love you?
Kurt Smith: I think I do now.

Shawn: You either tell her you’re a fake criminal prodiler or I will.
Declan: You do that and then I’ll be forced to tell her you’re not a real psychic. {the music stops}
Shawn: A dramatic pause? Really? Come on, Kurt. That’s beneath you, man. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Declan: Oh come on, Shawn. I’ve been on to you since the beginning. Don’t forget we read the same books.

Shawn: Dad, you gotta fire this guy. He is a fraud
Henry: So are you
Shawn: Yeah, but I´m a productive one
Henry: So is he
Gus: And he knows Tears for Fears
Shawn: Half of Tears for Fears. The half that I love, the half I would do…
Gus: Shawn!

Declan: Could you check that Kurt is alright. Because I know that he and that guy from Crowded House are up to something
Shawn: Neil Finn? There´s no way we are missing that

Juliet: If you’re sitting on any other life secrets, now is the time to tell me.
Declan: Okay. I’m really rich.
Juliet: Okay I can deal with that.

Gus: This sucks. I can’t believe I’m single again.
Shawn: You know who can? Anyone who met you eight days ago.

What did you think about the complete list of Pop Reference Quotes on Psych fifth season? Let me know in the comments section. You can also continue with Part Two and Part Three

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